Good morning, folks. We’ve all gone back to in-person work this week (I’ve been doing it for a month or so now) and I’m trying to settle into a new morning rhythm. Every day I get up, read a little, do the dishes, do a load of laundry, take the dog for a walk, write a little, vacuum, do my exercises, and get cleaned up for work. Luckily my commute is short, just about 10 minutes by car when I don’t have to drive my son to school.
Avie is 13 now and a big help when he stays with me. He gets himself up, gets his own lunch, and gets himself ready for school.
If his pronouns are confusing you I can make it easy to understand, Avie is trans. If that bothers you, that’s well within your rights but I won’t tolerate any transphobia on my site. I do not tolerate intolerance.
Avie’s gender isn’t a fact that effects you in any way other than having to use he/him pronouns. I also believe that trans women are women and that trans men are men and this isn’t something that I’ll be taking any arguments on. Literally, don’t even bother. You won’t change my mind. I think you’d have a better chance of convincing me that Spurs are “actually a big club now” (they aren’t) or that “Santi Cazorla wasn’t actually that good” (he was better than you think). So, if you can’t keep it together and be respectful of my child and other trans folks then I suggest you make like Michael Jackson and beat it.
I’m also not going to pretend that I’m a trans expert as I need to dedicate all of my blog time pretending that I’m a football expert (lol). So, if you have questions, I suppose you can ask me but I suggest you make use of Google first.
So, why mention it? Because being trans isn’t something we should hide or treat as if it’s a disease or disorder. It’s just a fact. Avie is trans. That’s it. Done. We move on.
I’ll also give you an update on another thing I shared with folks on Twitter. I’m a disabled veteran. I have a service connected back injury. In 1991 I was in the Army and I broke my back. I had to have surgery to install two metal rods. I’ve written about it here before so I won’t retell the whole story now.
For most of my life, that wasn’t a huge disability – it limited my range of motion some and left me with some weakness – but I was able to do things like play golf and even play football (soccer). But a few years ago while I was playing soccer, I suddenly started getting shooting pains down my legs. Over a few weeks this progressively got worse until I wasn’t even able to lift my legs hardly at all. I spent a week on my couch before I finally went to the doctor and they did an MRI.
The results were conclusive: I have degenerative disk and a few other problems in the vertebrae just beneath the ones that had been stabilized after my surgery. The doctor told me I had to quit playing soccer. It was devastating. I had played pickup football every Sunday for almost a decade. Suddenly all of that was gone. Wiped away in just a moment.
I did physical therapy for a few months and I was able to start walking normally again. I’m now able to take the dog for her walk every day, though I still have pain in my legs and I have to stretch my IT band every day.
I went to the VA with my new condition and asked them to reevaluate my disability rating. I thought this would be a no-brainer: I have degenerative disk to add to my previous condition. They sent me to a physician who got out a little protractor like device and asked me to bend forward, bend sideways, and bend backward. A few weeks later, the VA sent me a letter denying my increase without mentioning the degenerative disk.
I figured they had missed the problem so I sent them the MRI results. They reviewed those and sent me another letter. This time they mentioned the degenerative disk but still said no increase. I was pretty much willing to accept that decision even though it didn’t make any sense but then I turned to the fourth page of my denial letter and read that they were stopping my benefits entirely.
See, it turns out that when I was discharged from the Army, I was paid $3,700 as compensation. Well, apparently how that works is that some folks don’t bother to file a VA claim and just take the one-time lump payment. But if you take that payment, and you receive a monthly stipend from the VA, well they consider that “double-dipping” and I guess it is, though it’s not like they informed me of this or if they did it was 1991 and I can’t remember that far back.
Anyway, what they are doing is stopping my benefit until I pay that money back.
I was hopping mad so I did what all humans do these days and posted that on Twitter. I received an outpouring of support from Gooners all over the world and I want to thank all of you for your kind and generous words and offers to help. One person in particular, A VSO (veterans service officer) who is a Gooner, reached out to me and offered to explain a few things. So, I made an appointment with him and called him.
Turns out that the VA rates back injuries almost entirely by range of motion. So, that little protractor exam? That’s how I get rated by VA. Degenerative disk? Well, unless it limits my range of motion, it’s almost irrelevant.
Almost.
The problem I’ve been having isn’t so much the degenerative disk, it’s the radiopathy (sciatica) caused by the degenerative disk. However, The way the VA works is that has to be a separate claim. They will bunch the two claims together to determine an overall disability rating but I have to fill out another form and have my radiopathy evaluated. I also have arthritis in my thoracic spine, so I’ll probably add that as well since it causes me pain and weakness in my arms. Might as well get it evaluated, even if they come back with 0%, because if it gets worse, I can always ask for another evaluation.
The solution for me is to call a VSO in my state (apparently the VA is a state-run thing?), make an appointment, and get them to assist me in filing the claim. They can also help me look at my payment screen and see if I have already paid back that $3700 and get my monthly stipend reinstated. It’s not a ton of money but it does afford me certain things – such as this blog.
Don’t worry, the blog isn’t going anywhere. Arseblog has graciously offered me some space on one of his servers and I’ll just migrate the whole thing over there. Hopefully we won’t have much downtime but I’ll let you know before we do the transfer.
I just want to say all of this personal stuff because I need you to know that I know that I’m very lucky to have all of you. You are the family that I never really had growing up.
I also want to say all of this because a lot of veterans get caught up in this sort of thing with the VA and don’t have the resources that I do. And it makes me so angry to think of the guys out there who are homeless or just living on the edge of homelessness because of some callous rule that cut off their benefits entirely (instead of reducing the payment or something). I was asked if people could donate to the blog and I understand that reaction but honestly, I’d much rather you donate to people who are in real need. I have a great job, I am not going to go broke because of this 13 months without payment. But there are homeless shelters in your town or local city which do need your help. Especially with winter coming.
I’ll be fine but let’s turn this into something good. Please consider a donation to a local shelter, or really any charity that you love and support.
“I’m also not going to pretend that I’m a trans expert as I need to dedicate all of my blog time pretending that I’m a football expert (lol)”
Well played, Tim. Have to say you’re bloody convincing 😉
Best to Avie as he eases into life.
I met a trans woman, Zoe, when visiting my daughter at university. One of her classmates, and one she was close to. She was badly affected by the fact that that her parents disapproved of her transitioning, and withdrew all contact. Id ask after her when I called my daughter, and she said that Zoe appreciated that.
Parents… it’s not your journey. It’s theirs. Be there, always. That is literally your role.
Bravo, maestro! Best of luck on the VA process (it’s a good plan). Best wishes to Avie. Props to Blogs for being a stand-up guy.
I’ll be making a couple additional charitable contributions this month.
TMBD
Holy cow Tim! “Every day I get up, read a little, do the dishes, do a load of laundry, take the dog for a walk, write a little, vacuum, do my exercises, and get cleaned up for work.” sounds like you get up 3 hours before you head to work 😉 Cheers!
Uhh.. I do!
Impressive. its a mad scramble at our house to get both kids out the door in time. I need to get up earlier to get that dogwalk in for sure.
and also Tim, I’ve never met you but I love you dude and Avie is lucky to have such a supportive dad. Please take care of that disk no matter what, i am a “veteran” of two surgeries (so far) and you might have options as to what they will do. Happy to DM with you to discuss my experiences anytime.
Long time reader. Not a poster though.
Not sure if the VSO you spoke with mentioned this so let me. I am not a vet but I navigated the southern California VA system for my Dad (Vietnam), Grandpa (WW2), other Grandpa (Korea), and two uncles (Vietnam & Gulf War the original). One thing to do is, make the physical compliant early and often. Do not do the brave thing of waiting till things are really breaking down. The VA can be an extremely helpful entity, they were amazing with handling my Dad’s sudden death. Went above and beyond and the entire thing (life insurance/burial etc) was so much easier than even cancelling his Verizon Mobile account. But, it’s a huge bureaucracy, often underfunded that usually shares staff with outside hospitals, so it can move slowly at times.
1) make notations of all the issues you are having. Do not be shy about it. Complain. It’s very much a squeaky wheel gets the grease situation with them.
2) don’t wait on your appeal toll everything gets worse. As soon as your letter arrives start work on the appeal process. It can take quite awhile to get through the tests and the judgment. If you are waiting till everything gets worse that will delay your treatment.
3) any and all benefits you qualify for are earned. You served. Your back isn’t broken if you didn’t serve. Getting yourself eventually to 100% disabled, if that were to ever happen, opens up a lot of benefits not given to those rated below in the VA system and I’m not just talking financial. It took my Dad 6.5 years to go from 20% to 100%. His overall health didn’t decrease but the connections between the issues he’d had since his return from service and their impact on daily activities finally convinced those deciding such things to improve their decision-making. He didn’t go into the VA system toll many decades safety his service ended.
4) lastly, living with chronic pain stresses the body. You create more stress hormones. That constricts your blood vessels. High blood pressure, added weight, that’s not just because you can’t run around on a football pitch. It’s the stress hormones. These are service related. So when I say complain early and often, really complain and note the health challenges. You obviously don’t want opiates. But that crisis in our country shows that just as medical school doesn’t do an adequate job teaching nutrition, it also struggles with managing patient’s pain and the consequences of chronic pain. So advocate for yourself.
In addition, do yourself and your son a favor. Put copies of your DD214, your recent judgment letter, a photocopy of the VA ID and any point person/case manager you deal with at the VA, in an envelope and let him know where that is. If anything untimely happens to you he’ll have adequate info readily available.
Wow. This is fantastic advice. Thank you so much.
Hey Tim,
You’re welcome. I think you reside in the Tacoma area. I mention that because I have highly recommended practice that specializes in backs.
I contacted my mom she has lived in the Seattle area the last 25 years and retired to Sequim recently. Her and her husband have both had back surgery with the same surgeon. My mom had a degenerative disc and needed fusing, her husband, a smart & handy engineer contrived to break his back 3 separate times over a decade and a bit, through home improvement projects, but those are a few longer stories for a different chat. It’s been a few years since they saw their doctor but recently he was still practicing in Bellevue and they were very happy with
the treatment at Overlake Hospital (Bellevue) and Evergreen Medical Center (Kirkland) the doctor who did the surgeries was Dr Vahrun Laohaprasit, his contacts are on Google. They also dealt with Valley Orthopedics in Covington and were very pleased. In case you need a non-VA second opinion.
Thanks again. I need to collect some of this advice you all are giving me into a list of action items.
I don’t know if you’ve had any nerve studies done on your legs to see if there has been any disruption to motor nerve function, but it can help clarify likelihood of success with your treatment options. Also, you may consider seeing a pain management specialist prior to deciding on the surgical route…fusion surgeries can be very difficult to recover from, especially until the bone graft takes (usually about 3 months after surgery).
Concur on a pain management program. Will also express caution in getting connected to a ‘pill mill’ (as JAT mentioned). Met a chiropractor through the first clinic I was referred to by my rheumatologist. That doctor was incredibly helpful, performing a pair of day surgeries (steroidal spinal epidurals) which relieved me several aspects of pain in my spine and symptoms in the extremities. Shortly after, that doctor left the clinic to begin his own pain management practice. Took the better part of three years at different locations of that clinical chain, shuttled between several practitioners– Chiros, PAs, nurses, (then finally, the advent of Covid) to grasp the treadmill I’d stepped upon. Located the first chiropractor’s practice a year ago May– begin seeing him once more. Wish I’d made the move sooner– but ‘better late’ so it goes.
Continued with another day surgery and a pair of in-office procedures (mild electro-acupuncture stimulation) an interim step, barely invasive– compared to traditional western surgical techniques. May be worth your time to research.
(Sounds as if Avie is wise beyond his years. Good for you both.)
💯
This is SUCH great advice.
Read your every post, generally don’t reply but couldn’t resist today. Want to let you know that you are doing a terrific job with this blog. Please keep this up. Arsenal, your walks, the sandwiches, the books.. love them all. Take care.
Sorry in advance for being pedantic. I want to correct “radiopathy” to “radiculopathy”. In case you need this when you are filing more paperwork
gah! Thank you!
Firstly just want to register my gratitude for getting to know you, man. Thank you for sharing your views on Arsenal and the world beyond.
I know social media takes a bashing [and rightly so] but without it I wouldn’t know you or many folks in this fine Arsenal community.
Hope everything smooths out with the VA in your particular case and across the country in the broader sense. Our veterans deserve the best care available. Shouldn’t even be a question.
Thanks homie. You’re a good egg.
I am another one of your silent admirers but felt compelled to offer my support publicly today; you have been a beacon of good sense on so many fronts and I truly admire your moral compass. As a Pakistani-Londoner who has made his home in the USA (including Portland, OR for a few years), your international and inclusive perspective is always music to my ears. Best of luck with raising your lad and on pushing those VA bureaucrats to do the right thing!
Another great post Tim. I wish you all the luck winding your way thru the VA bureaucracy and best wishes and prayers for your back.
Each of us has choices to make in our lives and as long as our choices do not hurt anyone else then they are no one else’s concern. I hope for much happiness for Avie.
Great dad, great writer, great human being.
Your astute perspective on football, politics, and people, as well as the community you’ve built here, have really enriched my life, and I’m so thankful for you. Even though my father in law is a vet, I still fail to fully appreciate the sacrifices you’ve made for all of us. It’s easy to forget they can be injured in battle or in training, and have psychological trauma that lasts a lifetime. We should do so much more for all of you.
You deserve all the support you get from Gooners – you’ve given us so much, so unselfishly. Hoping you get the response you deserve from the VA and that you feel better.
Wow, Tim, I’m honored to be considered one of your family, along with all the others here who value your insights, humor and generosity. I guess that makes us all Avie’s brothers and sisters too. Another honor….
Good luck getting better. My degenerative disk situation responded well to yoga, but I have no idea whether that’s a useful option for you (although it’s useful beyond physical well-being, of course).
Yoga is a good suggestion. I bet I could also help myself by losing some weight.
You’ve described yourself as irascible, well sure, sometimes, but actually I’m impressed by how you always create the right positive attitude, by your humility and generosity as well as your work ethic and the care you take for those around you.
Avie’s lucky to have you around, as you are him, and I’m sure you’re both going to be fine.
But I often forget how much physical discomfort you have to live with, and then having to deal with all this bureaucratic bullshit on top of it, and here you are again, still coming up with a life-affirming and no-nonsense take.
It’s harder than it looks to keep that strength and that perspective, sometimes pretty damn hard, so I hope you take a moment now and then to appreciate yourself. At your very worst you’re still a good man. And I’m very pleased you think of us as a family, although I wouldn’t want to live next door to us 🙂
Hi Tim,
Sorry, I have no special words of advice, support or wisdom that haven’t already been said more eloquently above. So…ditto all that.
What I will say is this: Thank you. You’ve run this blog for years from your own pocket, you don’t even run ads or call yourself a “content creator”. It’s been fascinating to follow all this time, watching your own little community grow up around you, attracted by the strength of your writing, birds of a feather.
I don’t know you, have never met you and almost certainly never will. But there a tiny sliver of you in every sentence, sometimes warts and all. That’s why I’m still around, and to think I didn’t initially like the format when you switched from wordpress. In the words of the great man himself:
“When you start supporting a football blog, you don’t support it because of the xG charts, or the bread stuff, or the buttressed junks, you support it because you found yourself somewhere there; found a place where you belong.”
This.
Tim, truly you have created a special place in the Goonerverse.
Thank you and best wishes to Avie and yourself.
LOL! Buttressed junks!
I think I’ve left comments once or twice before in the blog, but I’m not sure what name I used, so this one will be completely new.
Anyway, like literally every other person here, I’d just like to say Thank You, I’ve loved hanging out around here, reading your thoughts and reading everyone’s comments about not just Arsenal, but your books and also sandwiches (I miss those sandwich posts haha).
As a person who’s never been anywhere close to USA, I don’t really know how the VA over in the States work, but best of luck with your VA stuff!
Reading your blog has easily been the best part of being an Arsenal fan in recent years, and I look forward to (mostly silently) reading this blog even more! Cheers man!
Thanks for sharing your life with us Tim.
salutations, my bearded, blogging brother with a brand new son. i empathize with much of this post. first, let me say that i also need time in the morning to execute a routine (i call it the a.m. boogie). i wake at 3:45 every morning to do the things i need to do with no interruptions, primarily to get my workout in.
second, my daughter (25) came out to me about 3-years ago. she was worried about how i’d respond as i may or may not have uttered many seemingly homophobic things in her lifetime. i say seemingly because i’m not homophobic. i’m just old. i grew up in a different era where we had a seemingly twisted sense of humor. for instance, last season, i was telling my u19 team about a character called handi-man from in living color. who remembers handi-man? i sent them a video link from youtube. they couldn’t believe that was on prime time network tv. i digress. times have just changed. handi-man was hilarious but would never be considered even on cable tv today.
in the spring, my daughter and her roommate/best friend since freshman year, a gay guy, came to visit with their significant others. i had this big gay party in my big gay house where they set big gay traps for me all weekend with their big gay jokes; think big gay al’s big gay boat ride from southpark, except i’m not gay. regardless, we had a blast. i have to love those folks because they’re my daughter’s tribe and have taken care of her since she left my house.
when my daughter came out, the only thing she cared about was that her family accepted her. i had to say to her very plainly and without condoning or condemning, i’ve simply never understood that nature of gays. any disdain i showed was because of how many seemed to flaunt their sexuality in your face. however, dealing with a 13-year old trans is another level, particularly the age; i think i was still a virgin at 13. good luck to you on your journey to understand how to best be there for avie. he’ll need that. likewise, we’ve got your back. we’ll learn with you.
btw, you’re right about googling trans. i had to look up trans gender about a month ago. i just realized i was confusing transgender with transsexual. oh, the shame.
arsenal were playing and espn didn’t even bother to cover the game? how our beloved club has fallen. has anyone seen the game?
Josh,
You didn’t miss much. A fairly dull, predictable 90 minutes. These games are normally good to see how the U-23s are progressing. Arteta didn’t even put any on the bench. Arsenal have got so many “fringe” players that MA probably felt it politic to play them all. If he selected a load of kids above their heads, then it would have been bad for squad morale, I assume. He also needed to keep the run going. They played precisely how you would imagine a second string to play. Fairly solid against quite weak opposition, but very lacking in inspiration. They didn’t create much at all. Laca looked painfully slow up front and kept dropping deep, which is usually a bad sign for a centre forward. Eddie was sharper and busier, but missed the odd chance that came his way. One looked like a complete sitter. Having said that he scored a neat back heel later on. Partey didn’t look 100% and came off early. Lokonga was probably the star of the show. He hasn’t got Xhaka’s range of passing, but he is a far better athlete, as you can imagine. I liked the left back (Tavares). When he gets forward, he has more in his locker than Tierney. Very two footed, much like the Japanese boy, which gives the team a lot more options. Saka and ESR came on, which livened things up a bit. Because Laca kept dropping deep into “the hole”, ESR was pushed out on to the right, which made him a lot less effective. Martinelli also played on the right and looked equally lost. Arteta is continually juggling players and it shows. Put players in their best positions, Mikel!
I left after the 3rd goal. It was that dull.
The best bit was probably the pie, mash and mushy peas before the game.
Good man, all the best to you and Avie.