I got something in my eye

Kicking off the post meltdown madness, our old friend Jens Lehmann has decided to let it be known loud and clear that he’s a bitter old man. I swear the press wait for any slight slip in Arsenal’s form to seek comment from Lehmann and so the prospect of getting juicy new quotes following the defeat at Anfield must have been dizzyingly exciting. And boy did he deliver!

On Almunia:

To be sitting on the bench behind somebody who only started to play when he was 30 is not funny. I am very angry.  FIRE BAD!!  JENS ANGRY!

On Wenger:

If the coach had spoken to me before the start of the season then I would have been able to decide if I wanted to sit on the bench. PLAY JENS EVERY GAME OR JENS SQUISH SKINNY COACH! He has a different opinion and I don’t really believe he can be happy with it.

On Arsenal getting kicked out of the Champions League:

For me personally, it is a tragedy, HURRRGARBBLE JENS ANGRY MUST KILL! particularly since I did not have a chance to prevent it.

Yes Jens, it is a personal tragedy for you that Arsenal lost at Anfield. And yes, Jens, Almunia is not as funny as you. And yes, Jens, Wenger plotted your demise, it wasn’t the lapse in concentration in your first two games and the complete disorganization of the defense when you were in the sticks, instead it was a conspiracy. A vicious plot to keep the greatest keeper of all time repressed. I’m sure it has something to do with the fact that Wenger is French, and you know, the whole World Wars I and II thing…

In true tragic fashion it’s never the others who cause the downfall, it’s always the hero, and Jens has done more than his fair share to cause his own downfall. From member of the invincibles, to Champions League goat, to mouthy, petulant, baby; you brought it all on yourself Jens and yet your hubris won’t let you admit it.

As Shakespeare once said to King Lear, please just shut up.

Speaking of petulant, mouthy, whining former Arsenal players… current media darling David Bentley has admitted that he had a gambling problem. Now, as soon as I read that I literally prayed that he’s the player involved in the match throwing scandal. No word yet, but if there’s a god…

Another tidbit that comes out of the article is that he was deep into his addiction while at Arsenal and that gambling and not football was his passion:

I would wake up in the morning and the first thing I would think about would be to have a bet rather than play football. All I wanted was to have a bet.

And just last week he was urging Theo to leave Arsenal because “Wenger never gives youngsters a chance and moving was what saved mycareer.” You’re a lying little sack of shit aren’t you David? You had the talent to play at Arsenal and you blew it on gambling. Well, here’s to a short and terrible career.

And finally, of course the press are all in a frenzy with the “I told you so’s” about how shitty Arsenal was going to be this year. Yes, their dire predictions of a 5th-8th place finish for Arsenal have finally come true and a half season of hand wringing as Arsenal took the top of the league can finally and gladly come to an end. My favorite part though is how some of the papers have decided to help Arsenal out with some friendly advice about who they should have bought this summer and in January. Here’s a smattering of their suggestions:

Johnathan Woodgate: yeah, after his “impressive” stint at Boro (following 9 appearances in three years for Real Madrid) he would have been the perfect signing. I see Woody’s “resurgence” as a sign of just how appalling Tottenham’s defense is rather than how impressive he has been. Woodgate, the stalwart defender who let in 4 goals against Chelsea. He’s the perfect replacement for Senderos!

Jermaine Defoe: surely this is a joke. First Woody and now Defoe? Why not just transplant the entire Tottenham squad? Then Arsenal would be assured a spot in the middle of the table.

Lassana Diarra: Diarra was only in the squad 6 months before he started having a go at the manager. Can the kid play? Sure, but do you want someone on the team who stirs up trouble (other than Jens, because he’s so funny!)? It would be nice to have some cover for Flamini, but remember that Diarra wanted to start ahead of Flamini.  He pretty much refused to play cover for Flamini and let the whole world know about his dissatisfaction with the situation. Letting Diarra go was the right decision.

Ribery: fair suggestion, he has been tearing up the Bundesliga and a scoring right winger is needed: English players need not apply.

Igor Akineev: who? Oh some keeper. Meh. Almunia has been fine. Almunia didn’t lose Hyypia on a corner kick. Almunia didn’t tug down Babel. I rather like Almunia, but then, I know fuck all about keepers. So maybe this is a good suggestion and maybe it’s just shit stirring and grasping at straws. When in doubt, it’s usually the latter with the British press.

I don’t know why we haven’t seen the “Why didn’t Arsenal buy Torres and Babel and Drogba and Essien?” story yet. I guess we’ll have to give them time, after all the feeding frenzy has just begun.

Until tomorrow!

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