By Suvidude
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One of those days in Barcelona, Spain.
A phone call between with two very important people in football, Barcelona Head of Negotiations and Club Scout Carlos.
“Hello, Carlos ?”
“Yes Boss”
“Where the hell are you, my man?”
“I am in China Boss. Holidaying and fixing a deal”
“Fix me now. We have a crisis. I need you. Neymar is gone. We need a replacement. I need you to get into act..! ”
“Now ?”
“Yeah, now. As in NOW NOW”
“How about Jesus ? Douglas Costa, the Juventus guy ? Fred ?
“Sweet Jesus, we are replacing Neymar man. We need Brazilian strikers. Preferably with a name starting in N”
“But they ARE Brazilian strikers”
“Really ? They don’t sound like Brazilians. I need a proper one. An inho”
“Aninho ?”
“Yes, Robinho, like our Ronaldinho, our Mourinho… you know. People are laughing at us Carlos. We need a proper replacement. Do you understand that?”
“But Mou…”
“DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT… Jesus!”
“Ok. I think I have one. You remember Firmino, from Liverpool?”
“That ponytail guy who you showed me the pic of? ”
“He IS in the Brazil squad”
“Yeah, Ok, but he is not an inho is he?”
“Its similar”
“No No Carlos… You don’t understand me. I need a Juninho, Moutinho”
“Ok Ok, I have one. Not a striker, but a proper Brazilian. Coutinho. He is also from Liverpool”
“Ok…tell me more. But how are they signing Brazilians and not us”
“Well, you see there are different grades of coffee..and some”
“Wait…we are talking coffee?”
“No..Coutinho. He is good. But…”
“But what.. he does not score goals? ”
“He does, He does… he can hit some wild ones as well”
“Then let us get him”
“Yeah, but don’t know if Liverpool would sell or not. Even if, they will ask at least 70 Mn”
“70Mn..!! Are you disrespecting my boy Neymar ?.. Start at 100 ?”
“But…”
“125..OK… Get him”
………..
“Boss, we tried. Apparently they are not selling him. We are still trying”
“What…Did you say he is going to replace Neymar”
“We did, the player wants to come…”
“Carlos, I don’t think you understand. People are laughing at us. It’s 5 days already. You know what, our asses are on the line ”
“I know boss. I have a plan B”
“Does your plan B have an inho in his name”
“Yes. He is from China”
“China…? are you fucking with me ?”
“No No.. I mean, He is proper Brazilian and all that”
“From China ?”
“No.. No.. from Brazil. He is currently in China”
“Holidaying?”
“Footballing”
“Football while Holidaying..?”
“Yeah.. Lets say that. He can come. And the Chinese say that they don’t need any money, they seem to have enough”
“Don’t ever say that to anyone !”
“Ok, I’ll have the deal pegged up to 20 Mn”
“What..? Structure it atleast 30Mn + Bonuses every time you pass to Messi. And, don’t forget your plan A. Keep trying for Cuntinho”
“Who?”
“The Liverpool guy, Our ponytail’s friend”
“Sure boss. But in the meantime, Paulinho is yours”
“Who ?”
“Paulinho… from China”
—
(Today)
“Today we unveil 40m Euro Brazilian wonder… Paulinho!”
Do some tricks, Paulinho… ”
Maakte net dit filmpje van Paulinho. #theo pic.twitter.com/oYv1wp3uBp
— Ralf (@RalfCrutzen) August 17, 2017
“CARLOS!!!”
