150%

I used to play golf. Well, more accurately, I used to go out on a golf course, get piss drunk, throw about 6 tantrums when my shots didn’t go as planned, and smoke cigarettes. I retired the clubs about 15 years ago. I think my handicap at the time was 12? Maybe 14. 16? Can’t remember very well any more.

I was never a long hitter. I think 220 with the driver was about the maximum reach. But I was great at the short game. Putt for dough is what they always said. We used to gamble too: longest drive, putts, greens. That sort of thing. I think I did well because I had so many 1 putts. If I could get it close to the green in two I was pretty solid.

But golf is like everything else: you have moments where something just goes wrong. It’s difficult to be perfectly consistent all the time. So, once in a while I’d double-tap a chip – that’s where you fluff the ball into the air and then hit it again with the club head. Or I’d skull a ball, or slice terribly, there are so many ways to mess up a golf shot and only one way to get it right.

The worst part about golf are the other people. By myself I’m fine. A bad shot is just a bad shot. I walk on and take the next shot. If you’re a loner like me you can sometimes get stuck with some people who are less than desirable. Imagine getting put into a group of racists. That happened a lot. And then you’re confronted with the choice of either speaking up and risking a big confrontation or just excusing yourself and slinking off.

Then there are the terminally angry. These guys (always guys) will hit into you if you’re not “playing fast enough” or whatever. I once had a guy scream at me from 200 yards because I wasn’t playing fast enough and when I didn’t respond he drove his cart over to me, got out and told me that he was the course manager and that I had to get off his course. What was I supposed to do? Fight the man? Probably what he wanted.

Oh man, and the advice givers. There’s a trope that men like to solve problems instead of listening or asking questions and nowhere is that more evident than on a golf course. Everyone loves to tell you what to do with your swing, which clubs to use, how to even stand. It’s the most ubiquitous and annoying aspect of golf. Everyone and I mean everyone is an expert.

But golf was always more of a creative endeavor for me. I liked it because I could imagine something and do it. Those were my favorite moments. When I was stuck behind a tree or something and needed to get out of trouble. And even around the green, putting, chipping, they are creative. You imagine where you want the ball to go, how hard, how much curve, and send it there.

I took Avie out to the course last week. We messed around with some chipping and putting. I was surprised by how well I was able to putt and chip. Without any practice at all. Like I said, it’s a creative thing.

She got in a few putts, way too hard. She knocked the ball around a bit, probably too hard on purpose. I think it ticked off my buddy. When she got to the driving range, she made contact a couple of times. That was good!

But that was also when I noticed that I was doing the thing I hate most about golf: I was telling her about 100 things to do all at once. Stand this way, aim your feet, swing like this, relax, try to have fun, etc. I was making it not fun.

So I stopped.

I asked her on the way home if she wanted to go again this week. She said sure. I’ll take her up on that I think. Though I did do something pretty stupid: I went and hit about 30 shots last night and tweaked my right elbow. It’s really angry with me today. Gah, I’ve always been like this, obsessive about things. I can’t just go into something slow. I’ve got to go 150% in.

Oh well, pitch and putt it is. Maybe. I can’t even rotate my right wrist! Lol.

Qq

10 comments

      1. Who would have thought a dad’s weird, self indulgent and borderline abusive story about teaching his kid to use a can opener would end up revealing, antisemitism, racism and white supremacy!

  1. Used to play pitch and put a lot growing up in Tipperary where we had one of the best pitch and put courses in the country.

    The upside of pitch and put is that it’s ALL basically the ‘short game.’ 🙂

  2. Same on the 150%. I’ve hurt my back and other body parts by lifting logs and boulders that exceed my human capacity to lift. But I lift anyway, just to see. And when it doesn’t get in the back of the vehicle, I lift harder. Every fucking time. It’s both a blessing and a curse, a blessing in professional life and a curse in the private life.

  3. Golfer’s Elbow? A bit like Tennis Elbow, but different. Let me give you some advice on that…..

    1. One thing I really don’t like about playing golf in the States is the way it always feel like you’re in a race. Firstly, you are obliged to use a cart. One of the reasons for playing golf is that it is often a very pleasant way to get some exercise and enjoy your surroundings. Also chat with your playing partners. It’s not how “quick”, it’s how “enjoyable”. Hurry, hurry, hurry. Impatience. Completely defeats the object.

  4. I’m not very good at golf but I love it. I can go round in about 100 strokes, and if I hit one really decent shot per round then I’m happy. I cannot play with people who take it too seriously.

    I used to pitch and putt on summer weekends on the clifftops outside Brighton. I treasured the time with friends – an hour or two one-on-one with a couple of cans of beer in the sunshine, being hilariously bad at something and then occasionally brilliant.

    And then when we all started getting hitched, it became the traditional stag weekend activity. I have never cry-laughed so hard in my life as I did when six blokes, hungover and one of us dressed as a chicken, lined up at the first tee at a beautiful, quiet village golf course and between us hooked seven tee shots into the car park.

  5. Golf ain’t really my thing but I enjoyed reading this post like I do most of your posts. I always find them educative and fun reading. Cheers Buddy!

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