Attention meatbags, semi-sentient clumps of atoms, and cosmic scum, I have finally figured it out, Arsenal are just not very consistent.
I know, this is not groundbreaking analysis. And I know that this is not the kind of stuff that you have come to expect from 7amkickoff after nearly 11 years of non-stop toil. And frankly I apologize for even mentioning it because you don’t even have to think about it too hard to see what I mean. In fact, now that I’ve said it, Arsenal are inconsistent, I could stop this blog and the next time you watch an Arsenal match and see us ship a silly goal just mutter under your breath “inconsistent Arsenal.”
If that’s you, feel free to tap out now and enjoy the rest of your day forgetting that you, me, and every bit of life on this planet are insignificant specks of DNA floating in a vast, angry, deadly, cosmic sea and that at any moment an asteroid could crash into the planet, throwing millions of tons of earth into the atmosphere which would then coalesce and rain down billions of boiling hot glass bullets wiping out nearly all life on the planet.
Which would be a lucky day for Arsenal because finally Twitter would talk about something other than Mustafi.
But if you choose to stick around for a minute let me just make two more points.
Maybe I have to prove the idea that Arsenal are inconsistent. Ok, let’s look at Aubameyang: leading goal scorer at Arsenal, misses a ton of easy chances. Or Lacazette: great all around forward, nice touch, scored a ton of goals for club and country, misses a ton of easy chances. I can go on and mention Granit Xhaka: delicious cross to set up Lacazette’s (kind of lucky) goal (let’s be honest), often makes glaring positional errors in midfield, gets bypassed too easily, hands the ball away without pressure, etc. etc. Maitland-Niles: completes 5/7 dribbles in one game and then in the same game stands near a defender and does that fake-dribble-stepover-thing that hasn’t worked to create space or get past his man since he was 12 (also loses his marker on a free kick). Kolasinac: leads Arsenal in Big Chances created and in Big Chances conceded, runs very fast going in a straight line, incapable of turning.
I can do this for every single player. Even the greatest players had flaws but my point here isn’t just about flaws it’s more, how flawed? Or to put it in a more positive way, how consistent?
Think about Liverpool and Man City for a minute. Both have players who make mistakes and who don’t perform at their best in every game. Mo Salah is a terrific talent, he also missed a sitter against Barcelona. It was a huge miss. But despite that miss and despite being 3-0 down I wouldn’t rule them out of this tie because they are an extremely consistent team in terms of scoring and have been very good at the back. Because they are so consistent I feel that they still have a good chance. Though they are going up against Mr. Consistency himself, Lionel Messi.
Liverpool have only lost 7 matches this season. Man City have only lost 6. Arsenal have lost 14.
That’s losses in all competitions. Are we terrible? No. But I would say that Arsenal aren’t as consistently good as the others and that’s because we have players who aren’t as consistently good. This Arsenal team seem to be about 75% consistent. To get to the level of Man City and Liverpool, Arsenal need to be closer to 88% consistent.
How do we do that? Coaching, selling, buying, building. The same old fashioned way that any club should do anything.
And I have one more (not at all radical) idea to pass along: this “inconsistency” argument is similar to my “expectations and acceptance” argument. Once we accept that Xhaka (for example) isn’t very consistent then we can set the expectations for (that player, pick any one) lower and learn to (maybe) enjoy what they put out on the field.
I think this somehow subconsciously happened with me with Lacazette and Aubameyang. Since I had been following them both for years dispassionately as a fan of another team, I learned to just accept their flaws as part of who they are.
Now when I see Auba miss a glaring chance I actually chuckle a little because it’s just kind of who he is. He’s a guy who’s going to score 25 goals for you and miss a lot of sitters.
And as a side bonus, I also get these weird moments of discovery. Like Auba scoring from outside the box or Lacazette taking on a leadership role this season.
I think we could do this with every player. With every match. And probably be a bit more satisfied with our football.
The only problem here is that one thing Arsenal have been consistent about is away games and now we have to go to Valencia and play them away to advance to the final.
KERMIT ARMED PANIC.
P.S. Yes, this means that criticism of the players is both 100% valid and also 100% unfounded. If you say “Kolasinac is a crap defender” you’re right but you’re also right to point out that the dude is extremely useful going forward. We can also say the same about criticism of Emery. He’s been really awful in some ways (dropping Ozil and Ramsey, many of his starting lineups, etc) and he’s also been good in some ways (improving Kolasinac, changing lineups, reintegrating Ozil and Ramsey). And also criticism of the board and management teams. They too have been fairly inconsistent when it comes to transfers, signing players, and getting max deals for sponsors. Only when the whole team is performing consistently at a higher level can we expect Arsenal to get above 75%.
If that’s you, feel free to tap out now and enjoy the rest of your day forgetting that you, me, and every bit of life on this planet are insignificant specks of DNA floating in a vast, angry, deadly, cosmic sea and that at any moment an asteroid could crash into the planet, throwing millions of tons of earth into the atmosphere which would then coalesce and rain down billions of boiling hot glass bullets wiping out nearly all life on the planet.
I $hit you not dude but this very thought goes through my mind almost daily even when I’m not watching some science channel piece on universe or such.
I envy the religious folk sometimes, well , rarely I should say.
It’s like you said : Arsenal have a Frankenstein squad and need a rebuild rather than a tweak, or was it me who’s said that?
Can’t remember , with the apocalypse on my mind and all.
Great article Tim!
If I could, I’d make every arsenal supporter read this piece, because I think it is timely.
Also, I appreciate how you PS’d the piece by further making the point that criticism should be distinctly different from condemnation.
For example, a lot of the criticism Emery has received this season (the past week especially) has been unfair, and some of them bordering on condemnation.
The past week was indeed a very terrible and disappointing week, I get that. 3 losses on the bounce and at this stage of the season.. that could be described as almost a catastrophic collapse. It was painful, emotions ran high, and in the thick of it, some passed condemnation on the manager and his style in place of criticism.
Speaking of Emery. You can tell that he is desperate to please the fans. Style of play or not, tiki-taka or not… Emery knows that there is really one thing and one thing only that can give REAL satisfaction to the fans, the players, the club -everybody. And that is delivering champions league football back to us as soon as possible. Why? Because It gives us a proper chance to recruit the best possible players for Emery’s project -players that can execute his vision of football properly without needing too much time to adapt or buy into it.
And as a side bonus, we get to watch champions league games with a bit more passion and interest next season.
Sokratis captures this in his words post-Valencia.
“I hear that everyone speaks about the system, the manager.
The manager tries every day to give the best to us, to the team. We want to to play in the Champions League. This is the point, our manager and the staff behind him help us every day [to do that].
We work a lot with the training, the video, we analyze everything and I hope in the end we are right.”
To be in the champions league next season is the point of all that Emery has done all season -formation changes, personnel changes, counter-attacking ugly football, all of it. Including the countless hours of video analysis.
Gee, no one’s ever called me a semi-sentient clump of atoms before. I would argue about the sentient part but otherwise, spot on.
This is rather nihilistic take on the mighty Arsenal is appropo of late. But we if all get religion, win our remaining matches and parade around North London with a European trophy, you’ll walk it Ll back, right?
To say that Emery has conned us into believing he was going to play a different style of football is both unfair and condemning.
Yes, he’s had to play “pragmatic” football most of the time this season, but that is because he wants champions league football at all cost.
Yes, the team hasn’t often done high press in all the games this season. But we have seen him set up his team to play pressing football at key times this season.
Our opening goal through AMN in the 5-1 loss to Liverpool is a perfect example of that.
The Ramsey comeback 4-2 against Tottenham comes to mind.
And recently we “out-pressed” Napoli in a 3-0 win.
Ramsey was the constant in all of them. As an indication that his vision is truly to have the team playing in this way; before starting work, he specifically singled out Ramsey as the player he wanted to build around.
There are enough pieces of evidence to show that by next season -when he gets the chance to bring in “functional” players like Ramsey- this team will be pressing more, winning the ball more often.
That’s MISTER Cosmic Scum to you, meatbag!
Let’s not forget that this team has scored some really fine goals this season from open play.
Also, we have had some really lovely moments playing the now “infamous” cut back pass from the wing back strategy -when it was working.
Read the BBC Sport piece about the wonderfully racial inclusive behavior of some Valencia supporters with the usual mix of disappointment, sadness anger and resignation.
My big hope for the return leg is that Auba and Laca take them out behind the bleachers, kick their f&$king ass and all our players wear Black Panther masks after the final whistle.
Valencia has the yarbles to blame “provocation” by Arsenal supporters. I’ve had lots of provocation in my life and responded in one of just a few ways. None of those ways have included Nazi salutes and monkey chants. What provocation causes Nazi salutes? Other Nazi salutes? It boggles.
Valencia’s club president Anil Murthy says Valencia will get rid of those “twats” for the good of football.
Lacazette is the Europa League player of the week.
The key for me in addition to paying Valencia with Premier League game type intensity is to defend their set-piece target threat Diakhaby better. From about 60″ on, Valencia was struggling to match our energy levels and was letting Lacazette tee off on them in their box. That pressure led to the knockout goal from Aubameyang.
*** playing Valencia with…
Donny van de Beek of Ajax could be our Ramsey replacement.
“that at any moment an asteroid could crash into the planet, throwing millions of tons of earth into the atmosphere which would then coalesce and rain down billions of boiling hot glass bullets wiping out nearly all life on the planet.
Which would be a lucky day for Arsenal because finally Twitter would talk about something other than Mustafi.”
Kudos Tim. That is something Douglas Adams might have said were Twitter and Mustafi around when he wrote the Hitchhiker’s Guide.
Spurs have ‘Spursed it up’ again.
Arsenal: hold my beer.
The meatbags comment reminds me of a sketch in the new Netflix show ‘I Think You Should Leave.’ I’d try to include it but it’s very not safe for work. It’s not a show for everyone, but if anyone’s a fan of odd comedy I’d recommend checking it out.
On football matters though, you mention consistency and it’s not surprising that Liverpool got the winner they needed yesterday after losing the lead twice.
Question. If we get into the Europa Final against Chelsea, and Chelsea win, but have already qualified for the Champions League through the league, what happens to the Champions League spot awarded for winning the final?
i seem to recall spain having 5 teams in the champions league one time because a spanish team didn’t finish in the champions league places in their domestic league (top 4) but won the europa league.
i also recall back in ’05, liverpool won the champions league but finished outside of the champions league places. they were awarded the champions league spot at the expense of the team that finished fourth in the premier league (either everton or tottenham).
i think the more recent version, ie. spain having 5 teams in the champions league is more likely.
My understanding is that it does not go to the runner up and would go to either the winner of the Austrian league or the 3rd place team in Ligue Un, both of whom are usually asked to play in a prequalification round to enter the group stages.
In other words, Arsenal is not guaranteed automatic CL placement by just making the final. They would need to win the actual trophy.
Arsenal and Chelsea are both in the Europa League semi-finals and are among the favourites to lift the trophy in Baku. If either of them win the tournament, they will qualify for next season’s Champions League group stages.
If the winners finish outside the top four in the Premier League, it will mean five English teams will be in the Champions League.
However if they do finish in the top four, then England will not get an extra spot. The team who finish third in the fifth-ranked league – France – will go into the Champions League group stages instead of the qualifiers.
There is no Champions League spot for the beaten finalists.
https://www.bbc.com/sport/football/47806720
okay, shard, you just confirmed what i posted directly above; i should have read your comment before replying.
Oops, I should have read your reply first before posting my own. You’ve got it.
arsenal absolutely have to qualify for the champions league next season. if they don’t, they’ll lose some good players in the shape of ramsey and cech, essentially weakening the team.
they’ll also be forced to look behind them, instead of ahead of them as the likes of watford, wolves, everton, and leicester city, not to mention the teams they’re currently fighting for top four places with like manchester united, chelsea, and tottenham. those mid-table teams look to be getting stronger but we can’t say the same about arsenal; they could fall back into a sort of premier league quicksand.
if arsenal fail to secure champions league football for next year, they will struggle to recruit the requisite talent needed to allow them to challenge for the premier league, while struggling to keep the top talent that they have. for instance, i read a rumor linking lacazette with a move to barcelona. what if that’s legit? things get tough when you lose your best players and are simply unable to replace them because the top players all want champions league football.
You know, I hadn’t thought of it. But you’re right. Not making the CL next season will potentially be a club altering event. It’ll be 3 years out of the CL, and with a declining quality of football, a coach and executive that players may not necessarily have a high opinion of, and a club intent on cutting costs to meet lower standards, than pushing to greater heights.
Some players will start wanting out, and initially this will be celebrated (for eg for Xhaka) but eventually it will catch up with us.
Sokratis looks like the loud, perpetually complaining neighbor on a 70s US sitcom focused on a blue collar family of maintenance workers.
Godspeed, Aaron Ramsey.
Grim days for AFC.
No top four finish now.
today’s game confirms beyond a shadow of a doubt what arsenal’s first priority needs to be; find a cdm. granit xhaka is creating new ways to screw this team over.
if arsenal are winning, he’ll find a way to ensure they don’t win. if arsenal are drawing, he’ll find a way to ensure they lose. if arsenal are losing, he’ll find a way to ensure they don’t turn it around. that’s exactly what he’s done in the last three games. today, arsenal were winning and his penalty ensured they only got a draw. in the leicester game, arsenal went down a man and had a draw when xhaka gave tielemans a free header against leicester. in the wolves game, arsenal were down two when, xhaka passed the ball directly to diogo to ensure arsenal went down by 3 goals, right before halftime. this is what he does.
the three errors i just described are absolute no-no’s under those circumstances. everyone knows it, especially cdm’s, but xhaka has done those three errors in the last three consecutive premier league games, causing arsenal to only collect one point. this is with arsenal chasing a top 4 spot.
all good teams have good cdms’ and i mean really good cdm’s. they don’t even have mediocre cdm’s. despite his talent, xhaka is a bad cdm. there’s a reason he didn’t play cdm for gladbach. there’s a reason he doesn’t play cdm for switzerland. why the heck does he play cdm for arsenal? the club will never play to their potential with his continued inclusion as he’ll always undermine their efforts. it doesn’t matter if arsenal gets a better dribbler, who the coach is, if ramsey stays, or how many goals aubameyang scores. he seems a nice guy but is a cancer to every arsenal effort on the pitch. he just hides it with a great goal every now and then. there is a direct correlation with the xhaka signing and arsenal finishing outside of the top 4.
how do you fail to beat both cardiff city and crystal palace at home in games you need to win? the champions league doesn’t need those types in their competition. arsenal had a chance to absolutely stick it to totts and they blew it…..like the falcons in the super bowl.
Haven’t Xhaka signed a new contract this year which means he will stay with
AFC for the next 2 years at least?
five years.
reminds me of the Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner. We are never getting rid of this albatross.
Grant Xhaka has signed a new long-term contract with the club. 15 June 2018
https://www.arsenal.com/news/granit-xhaka-signs-new-contract
https://www.arsenal.com/news/granit-xhaka-signs-new-contract
Xhaka was stupid (is stupid?) Taylor was a **** (is a ****) but for the umpteenth time this season, we were woeful. We have no attacking game except get it wide and cross. Once or twice a player will make space on his own in the centre but the plan is always to go wide. It’s predictable, boring, and ineffective.
I don’t see the point of having Emery in charge any more. Like what is he going to bring us?
I have been against Raul for many days, and as long as he’s calling the shots, it probably doesn’t even matter who the coach and DoF will be.
Goodbye to Aaron, Danny and Petr.
“I don’t see the point of having Emery in charge anymore. Like what is he going to bring us?”
It’s either you’re being unbelievably short-sighted about this or some previous bias you have against this coach is making you irrational in your view.
FFS!
You’re not going to give him a season in the PL to make mistakes?!
If he had failed while implementing the vision he’d sold us, I would back him. He’s implementing a sad, scared style of play and has shown an inability to properly manage the squad. We’ve dominated like 1 or 2 games the whole season, and have gotten lucky with results. Despite a stronger squad, the attack is worse, the defense is worse, there is no pressing or possession football. This is not why he was hired. He doesn’t even play the youth.
Besides, Raul and Emery changed the rules of engagement when they started pushing for a purely transactional relationship between the club and its employees. The same also ought to apply to them. Get them off the wage bill before they do more damage.
How is this squad stronger than last season’s squad ?
Because Sven ran transfers, that’s how.
If this squad is better and some players will be disappointed with another year of EL , as you say, I will be very curious to see what clubs will come in for those disillusioned, high quality players we have.
Outside of Laca and Leno it’s pretty slim pickings.
you don’t give him a season to make mistakes, you give him a season to prove what he can do. can you definitively say that you see what emery’s direction for this team is? to me, he looks like he’s winging it as he goes along.
emery got the arsenal job because he convinced the board that he could make the team better with coaching and minimal investment, adding to the club’s bottom line. do you believe he has succeeded?
Usmanov,
Emery can’t win away, simple math. Coach for Arsenal he will never win the League nor Champions league with the budget the Arsenal are on.
If Europa League trophy is what the Arsenal strive for from now on they will be shedding fans by the 1000’s…
he can’t even win at home against teams in the bottom half of the table in games he needs to win.
now that i think about everything, i don’t think the club refused emery funds during the january transfer window exclusively because they were penny-pinching. emery presented these fancy dossiers during the interview process and i’m willing to bet arsenal challenged him to show and prove what he could do based on that which got him the arsenal job.
granit xhaka’s extension was his first arsenal signing and has, easily, been his worst. he believes he can coach a player like xhaka to become a top cdm. if that’s what he believes, he’s delusional. xhaka doesn’t have the tactical nous or resolve. to extend him but release ramsey???
The only way to be sure we’ve signed a player to strengthen the team is to sell him. Right Tom?
No but I really wanna see how the money bags clubs swoop in and pick this talented , “top four” worthy club apart.
Since Arsenal are in a money saving mode and all these talented players surely will want out, it seems like a natural course of action they will be going to CL contenders in first TW available.
I’m getting my popcorn already.
No, what you want to do is eat your popcorn while trolling.
You want to say Emery’s failed to deliver on his promises and should not be given e second season, fine , no argument there.
But the fact is nobody picked this team to do anything this season ( other than you and bunch of other Arsenal fans of course)
And for about 7 years before it actually happened, everybody said we’d drop out of the top 4. Forgive me for not taking their judgment as gospel.
But glad we have no argument.
I would really like to see Klopp or Pep implement high pressing with Xhaka , Ozil and Mustafi.
I am seriously contemplating switching loyalties to Dortmund. I mean what do I have to lose, i am just an overseas tele-viewer who will probably travel to watch one match every year from 2021. Might as well go to Germany.
Heck, i started following Arsenal in 2008 – the Adebayor season; i am a rogue anyway.
But this is painful. This sideways crossing is just plain painful. I am most def going to cry this time.