Shorts week

We cleaned the kitchen.

I don’t know when I got so messy. When I started being a slob. But I know when I noticed that I was a slob: two girlfriends ago.*

I came home one day and she was in her panties and a light shirt standing on a stool in the corner of my dining room. I couldn’t figure out what she was doing up there but I cracked a smile because she looked so adorable. I told her how cute she looked, made a joke about how I love a nearly nude woman standing on a stool in my dining room. She smiled back.

She was cleaning cobwebs off my ceiling. I never even noticed the cobwebs before. I apologized. I felt deeply ashamed. I begged her to get down. I would finish the job. She said no, she was almost done.

I notice the cobwebs now. They are all over the place. The basement is almost 98% cobwebs. I think that the cobwebs may be holding the house up. If I don’t routinely clear the corners in every room, they form and grow over time.

I don’t put my shoes away. I don’t sweep on a schedule. I tried making my bed every day, like when I was in the army, but I gave up on it all after a few weeks. I don’t know why but I’m obsessed with how dirty I am.

I can sort of get the laundry done on a schedule. Sort of. Sometimes I leave the clothes in the washer too long and then I have to wash them again. I want to make an IoT device that texts me when the washer is done, every hour, until I go downstairs and open the lid.

This messiness sprawls into every other part of my life. You should see the number of spreadsheets I have for all the stats I have collected over the years. Sometimes I just search my Google drive for a word, like “van Persie” and uncover some stats work that I had long forgotten that I had done.

I have the entire back catalog of this web site, downloaded onto the hard drive of another computer. I tried to upload the old articles here but it only did like the first 10 articles or something, I gave up. Hey if one of you wants to help me out with something, that would be the thing I would love for you to help me with!

My office at work is a mess. I want to clean it. I can’t. Like, I just can’t. No matter how much I try to remember to clean up the office, I just can’t get myself to do it. I think I don’t want to clean it up. Maybe I need to just spend the day cleaning. I bet it would take me, like, an hour to clean my office. Then set myself an appointment every day before I leave work, just to tidy up.

See, that’s the thing. I know what to do. I’m not stupid. I just don’t know how to develop discipline. I don’t even know how I developed the discipline to write this blog all the time. I think it’s because I get so much positive feedback from you all. That’s the only thing I can figure out. Maybe I need to figure out a self-reward system for discipline: every time I make the bed in the morning, I get a jellybean. LOL. I don’t know.

So, we cleaned the kitchen. Top to bottom. She scrubbed the walls, I scraped goop off the floor – oils and foods glommed together into a disgusting black paste.

It’s still kind of a mess. But I made us some smoothies: my “Orange you glad I didn’t say banana Smoothie”. Peel some whole oranges, put them in a blender with some frozen bloobs, add some soy milk, blend until smooth. Ok, so, it’s just fruit juice but it tastes great and one day, probably soon, when the world ecosphere collapses, only the extremely wealthy will have fresh fruit (because they can afford to hire people to pollinate their fruit trees for them) and I will look back on this moment of clarity, with the sun streaming into the kitchen and feel a great sadness at the destruction humanity has wreaked upon itself.

When I poured the smoothie into Avie’s cup I spilled a few drops on the floor. I grabbed a towel and wiped the spots up. I smiled to myself. I think I have finally turned the corner. I’m going to be super clean from now on! Super disciplined!

This morning, the kitchen was sort of a mess. I made pizza last night and went to bed before cleaning up. So, I swept the floor while brewing my coffee. This morning and took a mental note of how many things need to be done in the kitchen.

Still a mess. I think I’ll take the dog for a walk – I’m pretty disciplined about that.

It’s going to be 70F today. It’s going to be hot all week. I’m calling it shorts week. Like shark week. But with shorts. That’s all I got.

Qq

*This is how I measure time now. It’s like ice ages. That was 4 years ago for those who measure time by the regular calendar.

37 comments

  1. “See, that’s the thing. I know what to do. I’m not stupid. I just don’t know how to develop discipline.”
    Story of my life.
    I know I should be doing work, but instead I prefer to read your writing, because you somehow capture the truths of life with your insights. And I’m grateful every day for this diversion.

    I’m more of an occassional office organizer. It goes to $hit over a period of months, and then I have a day where I completely overhaul/purge/clean/reorganize. Then it slowly goes back. But the organizing piece is very satisfying.

    One idea on the kitchen. If possible, hire a cleaning crew to do a top to bottom scrubdown. Once every year or two. Then it never gets to cobwebs, as hard as you try. It’s much less expensive than you’d think, and it makes a huge difference. I’ve taken on the wife’s kitchen neatness over the years, and it’s much better this way.

    Thanks again for the inspiration you provide. Now I’m actually going to get some work done.

  2. Morning Tim.
    Happy to assist with your site, I could occasionally lend a hand.
    (WordPress designer 9yrs, webserver admin nearly 20).

    Beyond the offer of helping out? My perspective on organization is a whole other thing from cleanliness. I too have hard drives full of data from my long career as a graphic designer-cum-web designer. I still have 3 long-time clients for whom I do graphic (and web) work– that I’ve had for 30, 27 and 25 years respectively. Still have every file I’ve ever created for each– loosely following a file-naming convention devised in the DOS 8.3 file name era.

    On the cleanliness front? Don’t fret so much about your office. It’s how you organize things mentally. My work office (IT Manager) and home office– it’s all stacks of paper in reverse-chron order. Just don’t touch or move my stacks. Mentally, I had been blessed with near-perfect autobiographic recall. I don’t forget anything I’ve witnessed. Though early -60s now, and it’s beginning to fray at the edges.

    Don’t want to go on too long– but to explain that I’d been through a serious medical event about 10 years ago. Ulcerative colitis, stage-4; 90th percentile to contract colon cancer. Lost 60lbs in 60 days. My doctors were not keen on a positive outcome. But a mix of traditional and alternative medicine, finding the exact best advice from medical pros and wellness advisors in timely domino-like fashion– worked. From resisting starting chemo– to remission 90 days later. (Much more, but for another time.)

    One of the long-time clients I mentioned– is a friend that runs a successful wellness clinic. He put me through a therapy that helped to ‘reset’ my brain (waves) to function better at things I used to be able to do effortlessly. Likely also prepped me for my current career too. Had no previous ‘IT experience’ other than what I’d self-taught over time. After my recovery, I was out of work. Applied for a job as an IT Manager. Was convincing. 7 years later, in my second IT role– at a large law firm. Good fortune met opportunity.

    I’m convinced this therapy was a key to unlocking capacity to learn technology as a career– in my mid-50s.
    https://uniquemindcare.com/nexalin-therapy/
    (A website I admin. Coincidentally, I’ll be assisting in correcting issues with the Nexalin corporate website this week.)

    Please– email me. Either helping with your site– or more about Nexalin.

    jw1

    1. Your memory gift is something we both share, apart from being Arsenal supporters who are hopelessly in love with the Gunnersblogosphere.

          1. Maybe that’s a blessing. I can see almost everything I’ve come in contact with, where it is, what position it is in. It’s like a weird superpower.

    2. I do try to use this capacity to remind myself of cool or fun or specific positive things. ‘Give time back to myself’. Though recall is a double-edged sword when it comes to conscience. Any bad, or mean, or juvenile-y delinquent act I’ve had a hand in– will just suddenly push its’ way to the front. Made a pact with myself some time back. If I fulfill obligations and meet responsibilities– I’m allowed to eschew guilt. Guilt IMO, is man-made, a contrived emotion. I simply can’t devote any of the time I have remaining to dwell on it.

      Work hard. Have conscience. Stay disciplined.

      My oldest brother got almost all of the talent in our family of 4 kids (Larry was Jaco Pastorius’ collaborator/writer during the Weather Report and Jaco’s Big Band eras in the 80s). He could ace anything. Where my middle bro/sis had to study hard to make grades? I skated. Never cracked a book. Killed it on any standardized testing. Fortunately, Larry left a thimble-full of talent for the rest of us. So designing it was for me.

      In the two years prior to my becoming ill, my father and Larry both passed away. Without details– it is a miracle I’m even here. When I was ill– took every bit of fortitude I could muster to get back to square one. For several years. Just a bitch of a time and experience to go through. Took that miracle as a sign– to stop skating through life.

      Had to simplify. Distill it all down. Will forever now tightrope a very strict, healthy, repetitive diet. Meds and supplements on a rigid schedule; 4x daily. Remaining vices I can still justify are Corona Extra with either of Arsenal, Astros or Rockets.

      Working hard to find a way to GTFO of the US and go find a beach in Mexico or Belize.
      While there is time.

      jw1

      (OK. In lighter moments, I tend to get obsessive/compulsive if I can’t locate something when I picture where it should be. ‘It’s here. Itwasrighteffinghere.’ Or the kind of recall that makes it worthwhile. Like visualizing where high school girlfriends’ birthmarks are. 😉 )

  3. Cut yourself some slack, mate. Cleanliness is not next to godliness. God doesn’t care if you live in a hovel or an immaculately-maintained home.

    Cobwebs mean you have a healthy population of spiders that keep down the population of really dirty bugs.

    As long as you’re not hoarding things (like an actual person presented on “Hoarders”) or your home isn’t covered in detritus, why sweat the small stuff?

    Moreover, if you can manage to have a girlfriend clean YOUR place in HER underwear, I think you are doing something right… 🙂

  4. Come on Tim, dont give up on cleanliness now. Those little routines are good. Like you I have dog (hardly surprising it’s a Welch corgi🙂). He’s my best mate and there’s no way id forget his walks. That’s just not an option as he wouldn’t let me.

    But when one organizes the daily life with a dog it’s not all that different from finding a structure to ones every day life. This may sound abrasive, but have you tried letting someone love you?

    1. HA! Not abrasive at all. It’s a fair question. I haven’t been in a relationship for 18 months. The last one ended quite badly.

  5. Thanks mate. I have two kids, 10 and 7 and my dog whos eleven (only one who listens, darn). There’s a lot of love there. But I sometimes wonder if love is about giving or receiving?

  6. That probably didn’t come out rigth. Sorry, english is my second language.

    What I meant to say is that it’s not always easy to let people love you. As we almost invariably have hang ups and that someone might actually fancy us with our mileage seems quite improbable and makes it hard to fantom which makes it’s somewhat easier to be dismissive and so on😣.

    I have a brasilian girlfriend who wants to take things to a next level and it really makes me uncomfortable (darn, don’t know how to play this and don’t want to live together).

    1. I don’t have these problems. I’m 48. I know how to love and I’m open to it. Please send your Brazilian girlfriend if you don’t want her.

      JUST KIDDING.

  7. are you kidding me, tim? make your f-ing bed, kid! it only takes about 3 minutes but it makes your bedroom look much neater. more importantly, it can give you a sense of accomplishment before you even walk out the door; it can set the tone for your day.

    it’s not about discipline. we’re creatures of habit. you are what you repeatedly do. daily, make your bed. daily, take 5 minutes at night and pick up your house. daily, clean your kitchen before going to bed. daily, take 5 minutes to pick up your office before you leave.

    after a while, it’s no longer discipline. these activities become habits that just happen with very little thought. when you brush your teeth, you don’t have to remember to rinse the toothpaste out. when you poop, you don’t have to contemplate whether to wipe. you just do these things, automatically (at least i hope). other activities apply the same concepts so stop being ridiculous and make your f-ing bed!

  8. I have no pithy advice re: cleaning, organizing objects, or love. I am just glad to see another post by Tim after his last one.

    1. I’m not going to hurt myself. But i may need to reset things every once in a while.

  9. I guess we could all live our lives in an organized manner. But where does that leave the daydreaming?

  10. I am loving this….I sent the last article to an ex….and again I might. I shouldn’t have lost that girl…my bad. Reading this blog she knows it’s not all about football, …. we are all alike.
    COYGs.

  11. My house is always clean. Sweep the floors every morning. Every. Morning. Dishwasher runs twice a day. Laundry once a week, same day. Colors every week, whites usually every 2 weeks, along with sheets and towels. We go to three different grocery stores: Trader Joes, Whole Foods, Target, about once a week each.

    If I were alone, this would not be the case. I would be a slob. I’d eat leftovers that have been out for 3 days. My idea of cleaning would be combining two piles of clothes into one big pile of clothes. I’d never have breakfast at all. I would shower every 2 or 3 days, or whenever my balls got too itchy.

    All this I owe to my wife. Self discipline is hard. I don’t think I’d be very good at life without her.

    This cleanliness, this order; it’s exhausting. But it keeps my life organized. Add a two year old into this picture, and I have no time for anything else. I want to write, but I can’t. I read about 15 minutes before I sleep. I check the Guardian, Vox, and 7amkickoff while eating lunch. I have to bargain for time to watch games, so I only watch the good ones. This is life now. It’s not bad.

    On an unrelated note, should I move to Seattle? Wife and I want to make a change. Neither of us have been, but she thinks Seattle might be too big a city. We’re in DC now, and while we are totally good with it, we want our next place to be smaller.

    1. I can sooo relate to this. My kids and I live in terror of wifey’s cleaning tirades. She swoops into the house and starts pointing out what been left around, and by whom. I used to hate it. Now i do it as often as she does. But once you start the habit of being clean, you can no longer live dirty.

      I think one reason I’ve become such a soccer fan is I can often watch in peace at 7 am on a weekend. Evenings and weekends are impossible with a 10 and 13 year old and a wife.

      1. You’re about 10 years ahead of me, boss. I kinda hoped as they got older we’d have more free time, not less 🙁 My novel (actually, series of 4) can’t wait forever…

  12. It’s the ones who really love you who do that. C did it for me. She even got into my cables and chargers drawer, from which I never threw anything away, and made me do “stay or go” with every item. Sure, I regretted chucking the classic iPod (the sliver and white one with the scroll wheel), but by the time she was done with the house — after days of focused intensity — I was grateful to her.

  13. Been pondering this all day. I’ve come to find cleaning therapeutic – which is quite a turnaround for a lifelong slob. Loneliness and anxiety are put at bay when I’m scrubbing a pan, or wiping down a counter, or folding a load of laundry. There’s something soothing and satisfying – it feels productive even if i’m procrastinating from doing something else!

    Going back to your last post, is there any way you could pick up a mop or reorganize a cabinet or scrub some pots and pans when you have the urge for the bottle? I know this may sound absurd on the face of it, but the phsyical activity sometimes just gets out the anger and frustration of a day in a way that’s not harmful.

    Or maybe working out. Anything to help your voice thrive and give fuel to your brilliant writing.

  14. This article made me go ‘wow’. Because there is no way I’d have thought you had the same issues with being organised and doing something about it. In some ways it’s sad, but on the other hand, if despite this you are doing so much, then maybe there’s hope. You should give yourself a pat on the back, Tim. This hit closer to home than I’d maybe like, but it was also cathartic. Now I need to start getting more organised. Thanks dude.

  15. We all have our neuroses, I guess. I’m a repressed slob. Now I pay someone to clean for me. That works well… What I had was a sort of administrative phobia. I wasn’t opening my mail, wasn’t paying my bills so much so that I had bailiffs at my door every once in a while and paying them had become a normal way of settling my debts. I always had a bit of cash at home just in case a bailiff visited. Pathetic really.
    The came that wonderful woman… She attacked the huge pile of unopened letters, cleaning the cobwebs. I think she was also lightly dressed at some moments (it took days.) She is still around, thank God.

    1. It’s a good book about how habits work, but sadly didn’t give any real techniques on how to build habits. It’s hard.

  16. The last thing I want is to become one of those preachy bores who overshares about his problems all the time, or sticks his nose into the problems of others, but I also think it’s worth taking that risk now and again – because men in particular have an issue with appearing to be weak or vulnerable. We think that if we are weak, we will let down the other people around us whom we have to protect or provide for. We think that our job is to care for them and not for ourselves, that self-care is selfishness, and we internalise that very deeply.

    It has recently been demonstrated to me that the opposite is true. By not taking care of myself I have let down and hurt those around me – wife, kids – because I can only muster 50 or 60% of my energy for them. They need me happy and well, not depressed and detached.

    I knew that I sucked, I knew all of my faults. Now I’ve started to get help to address those faults, and work out which of them were not even faults in the first place. Even the act of getting help (never mind if that help works), means I feel better about myself, and have more to give to my family. Which in turn makes me feel better. Positive cycle.

    I have never identified as someone who was in trouble or needed help, and I still don’t. It just turns out that sometimes help is helpful.

    OK that’s it from me on mental health. I am certainly no expert, and there is no judgement from me on anyone else’s life. Back to Arsenal as soon as there is any football to talk about.

    1. For what it’s worth, this resonated with me. So thanks for putting it out there despite your reluctance.

    2. I am one of those preachy bores, so much so I bore myself even. But it’s still nice to share that here lol

    3. Greg – beautifully said. Very glad you are getting help and sharing this with everyone. Really inspired by this post. Thanks!

  17. Congrats no.2 due for opening up again. As before, v brave and v honest. Kudos again.
    Re the tidiness, I’m in the Joshuad camp but also in the Lonestar camp! It’s not something to beat yourself up about but surprising how little discipline is required.
    And this, ironically, to the man who churns out the posts that engage and enthral and cover not just football but sport and politics and being and all else besides with an iron willed regularity reflecting enormous but possibly displaced self discipline.
    Might be worth re-channelling some of it, but I hope doing so won’t stop the writing.

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