Football is back: Arsenal prepare for Stoke

Good morning Gooners. I would like to start us all off with a reading from Sean Penn’s novel “Bob Honey Who Just Do Stuff.” What is this Bob Honey and stuff what he do? Anna Mazzola gives us a glimpse..

Twitter, I couldn’t help myself. I’m now reading parts of Sean Penn’s book. And yes, it is all this bad. pic.twitter.com/UlVnb3TzkT

— Anna Mazzola (@Anna_Mazz) March 27, 2018

Ah yes, the silent sentinel stared with surreptitious soupcon. You know what’s crazy about this sentence? Beyond the alliteration (which Penn uses in nearly every sentence) is the fact that soupcon usually means something tiny like a “soupcon of restraint” which might have made this a better book. But here, Penn is harkening back to the original French word which directly translates as “suspicion”. That means Penn just wrote that someone looked at his main character with sneaky suspicion but did it in the most douchey way possible. And how did I know that? I had to look it up, because otherwise that sentence makes no sense.

Beyond the mirth I think this book would make a great lesson for young writers: 1) show it, don’t say it. You don’t need to say that the guy looked at someone with “surreptitious soupcon”, you could just have the main character catch him “peeking over his newspaper” or something (hopefully less cliche). And 2) please god, get a good editor, one who will stand up to you and your ego.

And now Arsenal:

Arsene Wenger missed today’s press conference due to a sore throat and instead sent in Steve Bould. Bouldy looked mildly amused by proceedings, smirking and laughing at times and was generally relaxed.

You’ll be happy to know that Wilshere is back in training with the Arsenal after being sent home from the England squad with a knee problem. When asked whether Wilshere would be rested this weekend, Bould looked surprised and said “Not that I’m aware of. I don’t know where the issues or the reports are coming from to be honest with you. Jack had a bit of a knee problem I think, but he’s come back and he’s fine. As far as I’m aware, there’s no issue.” Which was a strange answer. I don’t understand how he doesn’t know about the reports about Jack being injured. Maybe just means that Jack is fine.

Fine or not, personally, I’m inclined to hold off on playing Jack this Sunday, just in case. I mean he was sent home from England for some sort of injury reason and Stoke are fighting against relegation. This match could turn scrappy and Wilshere’s favorite move (the cow dribble) is dangerous to his ankles and knees in the softest of games. It seems like a big gamble to risk him for a pointless match against Stoke.

That topic (the fundamental meaninglessness of life aside from ego-replication and how it relates to Arsenal’s end-of-season run in) was addressed and again Bould gave a strange answer. Let’s not pretend that Arsenal’s remaining Premier League fixtures mean anything. There is no chance for Arsenal to slip to 7th, 5th is kind of pointless, and 4th is out of reach (FivethirtyEight is giving us less than 1% chance to get into the top four). Of course the club can’t come out and say “stay home for the rest of the season!”

When asked whether Arsenal would rotate for the Europa League (a totally normal question), Bould seemed a bit shocked, but managed to answer in the anodyne manner we have all come to expect from our managers and players: “As far as I’m concerned it’s a big game on Sunday for us. We could do with a win. We need to pick up a win, we need to play well and get players fit again and get a full squad and see where we go from there.” Of course, sure, but also maybe rest some players?

I’m not complaining about Bould’s answers, nor reading anything into them. This is football in 2018. They have to fill the seats, get people to their TVs, and keep people engaged in the product for the full season. Managers in the Premier League also don’t face the same kinds of tactical, deep, questions that they do in Serie A or the Bundesliga and when they are asked tactical questions fans and reporters allow them to sidestep those questions with simplistic answers like “if I have to change at half time, people will say I was brilliant to make the change, but no one will say I got it wrong from the start.”

I’m going to digress. This is a truly awful answer. It is not negative to change and it’s especially not negative to be outwitted at the start but to change your approach to get things right later. Refusing to change in the face of evidence that supports that change is the wrong choice. Moreover, why shouldn’t we have these discussions? Let’s talk about how you got it wrong and why and then how you changed. Fans aren’t stupid. They are having these conversations without the managers. Managers shouldn’t hide behind a veil of secrecy, it seems very old fashioned and frankly smacks of elitism. As football has changed, so have the fans. We need managers and directors to embrace this, not pine for the old days.

Back to the presser-non-presser; Bould was also asked about Wenger and whether he will be at the club next year, how hard he works, and his desire. Bould said that he is going to guarantee that Wenger will be there next year, that he respects and loves working with Wenger, and that Wenger wants to win more than ever. This question about Wenger’s work ethic comes up often because players and reporters are starting to leak suggestions that he doesn’t work that hard. There was that story in the Guardian about the players asking for help, with one of their teammates telling them they have to figure it out for themselves, there was the story by Rafa Honigstein a few years back (since deleted) that the players don’t feel like Wenger properly prepares the teams (drawing wolves on chalkboards in lieu of preparation), and there have been a number of well respected journalists that have asked “what does Wenger do?” on the podcasts that I listen to (I don’t listen to fan pods). So, I have a feeling that this question is going to keep coming back.

There is a suggestion (by Wenger) of ageism being behind people’s attacks on him and Bould was asked about that as well. His reaction was funny, it was almost a double-take. He kind of swung his head around in disbelief. That’s when he told the reporter to focus on the Stoke game. Bould didn’t answer but I will: I agree with Wenger that there is an element of ageism in some criticism. Suggestions he’s “senile” and an “old fool” are out of line. I think we are better than that and can criticize his work and the results without mentioning his age.

Anyway, there’s my coverage of this presser-non-presser.

Moron Stoke tomorrow.

If you get a chance, check out my piece for the Arsenal Review about Cech and Wenger’s defensive woes this season.

Qq