John Terry; open mouth, insert xenophobic boot

Caution, John Terry

I really don’t get this.

John Terry makes an inexplicable statement about how Englishmen don’t dive, a statement which defies all reality, and the English press pick it up as a sort of light-hearted story — jokingly pointing out some of the fallacies while leaving the gaping aporia at the center of the text alone. Is it too much to ask for someone in the press to hear John Terry say:

That’s something the England lads don’t do (Dive). Sometimes we’re too honest. Even in the Premier League, we see the English lads get a bit of contact and try to stay on their feet and score the chance. The foreign mentality coming in is that any little clip you can go tumbling over, because of the speed of the game nowadays

and cock their heads quizzically and wonder what kind of xenophobic dope he’s smoking?

I’m not going to repeat yesterday’s column inch for inch and simply substitute “Rooney” for Steven Gerrard, Lampard, Owen, and Thomas Daley. That would be boring. I am just going to say this; Steven Gerrard, who is English, dived against Andorra.


Which, until last year, I thought was a planet in the Star Trek universe with little blue people (it’s not). Irregardless of my ignorance about Andorra, diving against Andorra is the moral equivalent of me or you diving against an Elementary School recess pickup game.

I rest my case, your honor, Englishmen dive and John Terry is a turd.

A turd I will be watching play against Slovenia at 9:30am this morning and a turd who will be playing world footballing giants Croatia on Wednesday. Wednesday should be a dive-fest of epic proportions. I can’t wait for Eduardo to get tackled knee high by some English player and as he’s on the ground in actual pain, one of these holier-than-thou English gods can come over and scream “get up you fake” or some such. It’ll be “great” to hear the press go on about how if he hadn’t “dived” he wouldn’t be getting such a reaction and how great the English players are for being English and all.

The only other news story today, that doesn’t involve something in The Sun, is that Amazon removed Fat Willy’s disgusting CD from their shelves, not because people complained, but because an Arsenal solicitor complained. In the future, I guess we’ll have to direct our complaints at rather than the retailer. Speaking of which, we should point out to the dot com that iTunes is still selling the CD.

Anyway, I don’t want to leave today on a sour note so instead, I’ll just point to this story about three footballers who overcame adversity to play the sport they loved. I can’t pick any one of Gilberto, Ribery, or Messi’s story as better than any other despite the fact that Gio was an Arsenal player. They are all truly inspirational.

Do you have a similar tale? I’d love to hear it. I love hearing from fans about how they fell in love with football, so share away!


  1. Now Rooney gets an undeserved PK after pulling the defender’s shirt in the box. Piss poor refereeing. Fortunately England have not look good in defense so there is hope for Slovenia and more importantly Croatia.

  2. Djourou injured for basically the rest of the season – I guess we’ll be dipping into that fat chequebook in December.

  3. im watching the england vs. Slovenia and the little cunt rooney just dived and got a penalty!!!!!!!!!! cant stand that shit face queer!!!!!!!!!!

  4. As honest John Terry said. “Us English players don’t dive. You show me one instance where Wayne, Stevie or Micky Owen has dived and I’ll show you a mother who steals dog food from supermarkets when her son is on £150 grand a week”. It’s them dirty foreigners see, like that Eduardo. He’s a cheat. We’re not.

  5. What makes it worse, Terry isn’t even a great footballer. It’s all talk and hot air from the press and associated pundits. As for his mum and the dog food, guess her son was coming round for dinner and she wanted to give him something he likes, or should that read ‘appropriate’.

    Rooney fouls defender, defender is injured, Rooney gets a penalty, whaaaaaaat!!!

    Great goal by the Slovenians!

    Anyone see Scotland v. Macedonia? Can’t see Scotland beating Holland on Wednesday. Pandev looks useful for Macedonia, believe he`s with Lazio.


  6. I think John Terry forgot to say that at least the foreigners do not do shithouse tackles like his stamping on Luis Garcia…At least the foreigners do not do people serious injuries eh John? Cheeky cunt….

  7. Rosicky did not play today. Fabregas did 20″ in the David Villa goal fest (x4)against TV5’s Belgium.. Eduardo played and was subbed late. RVP had a goal vs Japan in a 3-0 win. Sagna played the whole 90″ in a 1-1 draw.

    Unfortunate footballer of the day: Kaladhze, the AC Milan defender who recently declared he was fit and ready to return to action. Today he scored 2 og’s to give Italy a 2-0 win.

    Croatia will need to really suck it up on Wed. No Modric and now Corkluka is out w/ a red card. Memo to Coach Bilic: the middle of England’s defense has no speed and were getting beat all day by Slovenia. Your friend, ctpa.

  8. It is funny how some people demonstrate their cunt’itude’ by being so blatantly two-faced.

    1st ‘Shrek’ claims he doesn’t dive. Even if what he did against Arsenal is debatable, what he did against those poor Slovenians is unforgivable. And the referee is flagrantly CUNTitious.

    2nd That CUNTastic big mouth, Ferguson, claimed that Eduardo was rightly banned. Wasn’t he the Cunt who brought 2 of the biggest divers of all time, Van Nilstelroy & Ronaldo to the EPL?

    3rd John Terry, the Captain of the Team with the best divers in the EPL as well as colleague to some creative divers in the England team. Finally, the English media & so called pundits. They pathologically incapable of ever saying the truth, aren’t they?

    A Family of CUNTS.

  9. Add Denilson to the those three with tough backgrounds. His parents wouldn’t let him out at night, in case he’d get shot. =O

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