I wish The Sun would just die in a fire

cana-nasri1

Well, the Sun is back with more stuff they either simply make up or they let others make up for them and report it as fact.

Tiring of the Arshavin to Barca story, today they claim that an “Arsenal Insider” told them that Arsenal would sell Cesc for £40m. Sigh… the only thing interesting about this story is the fact that they can’t say “Cesc wants to go to Real Madrid” because he’s categorically denied wanting to leave like, what, three times already this month? So, instead they just switch to “the club would sell if the price is right.” Of course the club would consider selling if the price was right AND the player wanted to move on.

But saying that is a far cry from “Arsenal slap £40m price-tag on Cesc.” He’s not for sale, they haven’t slapped anything on anyone, though I’d like to see them slap The Sun.

Maybe next year might be different, Wenger himself has admitted that, but this year, right now, everyone, EVERYONE is committed to this team and this project.

Full Stop.

The only other news stories are that Lorik Cana is NOT transferring to Wolfsburg and that Real Madrid have admitted that they need to sell. The Cana story is really interesting for a couple of reasons.  First, his manager (and dad) admits that he’s looking to leave l’OM but he’s just waiting for his replacement to sign first. That replacement is supposedly none other than supposed Arsenal/Newscastle/Everton target Stephane M’Bia. So, anyway, that’s all well and fine, but the other interesting statement is that l’OM only want £6.5m for Cana. I don’t know about you but I find that price tag incredibly cheap for a player of his stature.

Also, I just want to admit that I am now personally targeting Lorik Cana for Arsenal for the following reasons: he’s a male model and we haven’t had one of those since Freddy Ljungberg left, he’s played with Samir Nasri before, and in the photograph above you can see that he’s not all brawn and beauty, he has a soft side — cradling grown men in his arms as they weep gently on his shoulder.

All that for just £6.5m? Come on!

The second story is obvious, Real Madrid have a squad of some 35 players as it stands and with more players expected to come in (LIKE CESC, AMIRIGHT???) they are saying that they need to sell 10 players. So, in the spirit of The Sun’s journalism I’m going to make something up:

ARSENAL SLAP THE TASTE OUT OF CALDERON’S MOUTH WITH £10m PLUS EBOUE’S RIGHT LEG FOR DANI PAREJO.

Sources inside 7amkickoff spoke exclusively to 7amkickoff and revealed that Arsenal are making a shock bid for 20 year old 6’1″ 76kg U21 Spanish International Dani Parejo. Our source said “well, he had a great loan spell at Queens Park Rangers and that’s “like a Premiership Team” so we think he would be a great addition to this Arsenal team, in fact he would be ‘like a new signing.’  That is, if we can’t get Lorik Cana to do some underwear modeling for us first. Also, if we can’t get Melo in Yellow. Though we’ll be wearing blue as an away kit next year so that joke doesn’t make any sense.” When we attempted to contact Dani Parejo he was unavailable for comment though another source inside 7amkickoff said “honey, are you almost done with the blog? I need you to take out the trash.” And we all know what THAT means!

Oh god, please let there be news tomorrow, real, honest to goodness news.

32 Comments on I wish The Sun would just die in a fire

  1. Really Funny Blog. All Sun reporters have Very small Dicks you see, and can’t Masturbate. So, they need their kicks by writing F****** shite about one of best teams in the World.
    Long live the Red Army.

  2. It’s so pathetic I can’t even be bothered. Luckily we have The Ashes here this summer so I will be a little distracted. Call me in August!

  3. Hey man, stop reading the sun, the mirror. You cant believe everything they say. To them every day is April fool’s day!

    • @rafi, Oh dude, I don’t read The Sun, but the problem is that they get linked in all the other papers like The Telegraph and whatnot. Then I open my reader and I see “Arsenal Selling Cesc for £40m” from the Telegraph and I’m all “WTF???” Until I get a chance to read the whole article and then I start rolling my eyes.

  4. Hey man,stop reading that filthy garbage they get their kicks winding up every Arsenal fan and his dog……….just ignore them and have a laugh when the season starts and not one off their millions of predictions have come through.

  5. The Sun!! Most likely The Shit!! perfect name for the perfect paper. I’m sure they’ll print saying Jesus Christ is Chistiano Ronaldo’s successor..or they actually put another 20 million pounds and bought Newcastle united and are going to try everyone out till the find the perfect player!!

  6. I agree, it is disgusting to know that despicable newspapers like The Sun seem to get away with printing absolute rubbish, no proof of any kind to back up what they state and then it stirs up anger with all of us…what can we do other than ignore it?

    Now I ignore these papers at all costs unless you want to see nice boobs….

    BTW has anyone seen that deluded spud that always writes in the comments of any Arsenal article in the Sun? – he has a picture of an ugly spud with his hands up – he is such a jealous pathetic idiot!

    Maybe the saying is true, things can always be worse!

    Thank God we support Arsenal I say!

  7. Well Tim you know I, as well as many others, have dropped the Cana name for a while now and it sure as hell beats paying almost 20M for Melo. Surely they can both make a similar impact and furthermore, Cana has been Marseille captain for a spell so he has a voice on the field which is one of the things I noticed Melo doesn’t have. I’ll be glad with either but I’m baulking at the price Fiorentina want for Melo and even more the Confed Cup upped his ante alot more, while Cana quietly awaits a suitable club to come along for him.

  8. While i agree with the sentiment, considering what happened in Camberwell, you could have picked a better headline. Eaten by a rottweiler or sat on by frank lampard would have been better.

    • @Alan, wow, you’ll have to forgive me, I didn’t know.

      “Die in a fire” is an internet meme and that’s how I intended the title, not as a way to disrespect anyone who actually died in a fire.

  9. shit Man!…me got no time 4 all u 4ken dick-head reporters of The Sun..me cracking ma head with bob marley n the wailers off the coast of Marina in Cali town. neva gonna say goodbye to GUNNERS coz i luv the triggers in their gunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnz!!! oh yeah!!!!!!

  10. Its Up for Grabs Now! Congratulations to ME. I am a winner in the Philosophy Football T-shirt Giveaway . I am now the proud owner of the shirt commemmorating the 1989 Arsenal game that won us the league. Thanks Tim!

  11. Just switched on Arseblogger’s advice to start using Rockynewsnow, really glad i did as your blog turned up with a really quite funny and interesting take on the day’s football news. Also love the supporting of a Cana transfer, ever since my mate showed me that youtube video, we all know which one, i’ve wanted him at Arsenal. I know Melo’s million yellow cards and plenty of red ones sounds appealing, but I don’t think anyone can dive into so many wreckless tackles as Cana does and occasionally come out with the ball! I mean Wenger didn’t deliver with the 18ft centre half we all wanted (though lets be honest no-one’s moaning about actually having a centre half) I’d love him to deliver on the dirty midfielder part!

    • @Kris, HA! I was worried that RockyNewsNow would filter me out owning to my filthy American-ness.

      Thanks for letting me know I made it in!

  12. Tim, I stopped reading the ‘dark Sun’ and all its coteries a long time ago. The worst thing is that, because the other papers are too lazy to do their own research, they just echo the sun. Even papers you would expect to be respectable engage in this satirical parody. It reminds me of 3rd world journalism.

    I’ll let you into a secret. Whenever the ‘dark Sun’ qoutes “an Arsenal insider”, what they actually mean is ‘a spud fan in disguise’, who goes to the emirates, buys a drink, and then approaches another spud, chelsea or manure journalist with a ‘so called insider secret’ designed to rile-up Arsenal players and true Arsenal fans.

    How many times have they ever been right eh? Just ignore the mediocres.

  13. I can use a few more days without news. The Parejo story was hilarious! Just thinking out loud here. Getting 2 former captains in their teams(verma+cana)+arshavin, and suddenly Arsenal will be oozing leadership and attitud on the pitch.

  14. in all seriousness there are still reports that Fiorentina are in serious negotiations with Arsenal over Melo, and that the Italian team has admitted as much. Anyone find out any truth to this?

  15. Given that you are writing a blog about a London team, I have to say that the title of this blog post is a bit insensitive. You may not realise, but there was a big fire in a Camberwell housing estate last week in which a number of people lost their lives.

    • @Dom,

      He already apologised! Read his response to Alan’s post at 8:58.

      The fire incident was actualy very close to my house, but I do not hold it against him because he couldn’t have known what happened over here.

    • @Dom, Yes, I didn’t know until after I posted and someone commented.

      No offense meant, it’s an internet meme and I thought I was being cute.

      Though, in all reality would you be sad if The Sun burned down?

  16. Lol nice post =)
    Loved your Cana description and then “All that for just £6.5m? Come on!” LMAO =D hahah
    I have always thought Cana is good and at just 6.5m, Wenger shouldn’t even think about any other holding midfielder now!

  17. I appreciate that the title of the blog is not great in terms of recent events in Lambeth and of course your apology covers that an more. But perhaps it’s even less thoughtful given that on May 11, 1985, fifty six decent and genuine football fans died in a fire, at Valley Parade, wathching their team plan Lincoln. May I suggest an alternative theme for future use, along the lines of “X deserves to be forced to watch Spurs”.

    • @Rudi,

      While there is need to be sensitive to other people and the world in general, almost every “headline” could be associated with some disaster, either recent or in the past.

      We need to accept journalistic largess when there is no intent to hurt or offend, otherwise, we would never be able to write anything. Think of it in the same terms as as comedic license.

      In today’s world, you can speak the truth and destroy your career because it’s considered to be not PC. Just remember what happened to Jimmy The Greek some years back.

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