As the football season winds down, the transfer season is just about to kick off and I thought I’d get a jump on the competition (the English/Spanish/Italian press) and name my top 10 potential signing stories. These are not my top 10 potential signings because as everyone knows, I have a horrible eye for talent.These are the top 10 potential signing stories: the 10 players, who have not been linked but are most likely to be linked to Arsenal by the press over the next three months. I picked these names using the tried and true journalism method called “make shiat up.”
10. Simone Perrotta — Roma, box-to-box midfielder. 31 year old midfielder for Roma, look for the press to play up the fact that he’s “experienced” and that he was born in England, even though he plays for the Italian national team. Also look for Platini’s Blatter to explode about how this would/would not qualify him for the 6+5 rule. Doesn’t sign for Arsenal because he’s Italian and no one from Italy wants to play in England.
9. Chiellini — Juve, center-back. Chiellini is a 24 year old, 6’1″ center back who currently plays for Juventus and has been capped by Italy 18 times. The press will play up his youth. Doesn’t sign for Arsenal because Juve offer him a better contract and they just fired their coach.
8. Barzagli — Wolfsburg, center-back. Italian international (fallen out of favor), experienced, and CHEAP. Doesn’t sign for Arsenal because he’s crap.
7. Carlos Machena — Valencia, center-back. One of many Valencia players that the press will link to Arsenal, they absolutely love linking Valencia players because of the supposed fire sale that’s going to happen any moment… now… any moment… Also, this player is “versatile” and the press love linking “versatile” players to Arsenal. Doesn’t sign for Arsenal because Valencia want £70m.
6. Daniel Agger — Liverpool, center-back. I know this is a shock inclusion here but given the sheer number of articles linking Agger out of Liverpool, plus his experience in England, his youth, and his height, I think this is going to be an Arsenal transfer story irregardless the fact he just signed a new contract. Doesn’t sign for Arsenal because several of their back line is leaving and he will get a lot of PT this year.
5. Hitzlsperger — Stuttgart, midfielder. Played for Villa in the past, currently in the national team, left footed, tall, German, speaks English. Pick any combination of things above to link him to Arsenal. Doesn’t sign for Arsenal becuse the French hate ze Germans.
4. Phil Jagielka — Everton, center-back. He’s been linked to the club before and a lot of Gooners want him. Plus he’s English. Doesn’t sign for Arsenal because the English hate the French nearly as much as they hate ze Germans.
3. Rio Mavuba — Lille, defensive midfielder. This is actually the kind of player Arsene would have bought in the past and if Mavuba was 16 he would buy him today! Unfortunately, he 25, only 5’7″ and only been called up for France 6 times, which means he’s probably not ever going to be a world class holding midfielder. Which means Arsene will probably buy him!
2. Jérémy Toulalan — Lyon, defensive midfielder. 25 year old player who has had a good season with Lyon, good work rate, good passer, good tackler. Look for the press to play up his French-ness, then call him “the next Makalele” and finish off with the whole “Arsenal need a defensive midfielder” cliche. Doesn’t sign for Aresenal because OL wants too much for him.
1. Raul Albiol — Valencia, center back. Ok, so check this guy out, he’s tall, he’s 23, he plays for Spain, he is versatile and he’s been linked to the club before, and even my readers have targeted him. This is a shoo-in for transfer story of the season. He plays for Valencia so expect the whole “Valencia fire sale” angle. Doesn’t sign for Arsenal because he might actually improve the squad immediately.
Think you have a better one? List it below.