The snow is like a new signing

by Tim B

Good mourning everyone! Today is the day that the transfer deadline will pass, Arsenal will sign no one, and Gooners the world over will be seen pulling their hair out. You might as well start mourning its passing right now.

The latest news goes like this: Arshavin flew in to London in order to be available in case Arsenal found £3m under Peter Hill-Woods’ mattress, the Gods thought they would test Londoner’s resolve by dumping 1″ of snow on the town, London ground to a halt — even the underground stopped running (there’s no snow down there!).

Meanwhile, back in Arsenal’s board room, some kind of deal was reached with Zenit, except no deal was reached! From what I gather, the thing holding up the transfer is that Zenit paid Arshavin a £4m signing bonus up front for his 4 year contract with them and they want half of that back, because he’s breaking his contract! Sounds reasonable to me.

Arshavin is refusing to pay this fee, because… well, I really don’t know why he would do that, but we know for sure that he’s refusing to pay the fee. He’s telling Arsenal if they want him, they need to pay the fee… oh yeah, and he wants a pay increase as well.

Remember back when I said that I was very uncomfortable signing Arshavin because he was threatening his team with a contract strike? Also remember how Arshavin was telling everyone he’d take a pay cut to join Arsenal? Funny thing about that, as it turns out, it looks a lot like Arshavin and Zenit are BOTH “football jokers” as one Arsenal exec put it.

So, after seeing his wage packet (which would be a modest increase over Zenit), he reportedly went back to the airport in disgust, to his private jet, to  fly home.

I’ll be sure to update this post when the transfer window closes and Arsenal haven’t signed anyone.

Meanwhile!

That 1″ of snow? Well, they have called off tomorrow’s match against Cardiff on account of 1″ of snow — THE BLIZZARD OF ’09!

And to brighten your day, here’s a quote from Arsene Wenger…

There’s always a danger because people always want a wonder man. But I believe we have to keep going, and accept that the expectation level on him would be very high if he joins us. But if he doesn’t join us I am not more pessimistic. We have as well not to go overboard with the crisis we face. Let’s judge our team at the end of the season.

UGH

I want to go back to bed, I was having a great dream about trophies and sunny days and….

Update!

I have been informed by a reliable source that the transfer deadline has been extended.  Wenger has been quotyed as saying “It’s like a new transfer window.”

Update Redux!!

Theo Walcott should be back in 4 weeks, like a new signing!

Update Tridux!!!

The Cardiff game has been tentatively rescheduled for February 16th and Setanta is showing the match live. That’s right, on President’s day, Briooots! Which if you don’t know, is the day which Americans celebrate George W’s birthday by festooning our nude bodies with $1 bills and masturbating to pictures of nookular missile silos.

Also, everyone is reporting that Arshavin is parked at Heathrow in a white Ford Bronco, ready to zoom back into London and sign for Arsenal as soon as they agree to pay him more than everyone else on the team by giving him a “signing bonus” which he will use to pay Zenit to pay back his “signing bonus” which is in no way a “transfer fee” nor “salary” which would break Arsenal’s “salary structure” — in negotiating, this is known as the “Flamini gambit.”

Check-Mate, Zenit.

Update Quardux!!!!

The transfer window closed an hour and a half ago, there was no announced signing, and yet the media outlets are reporting that the deal is still on!

Screw the rules!

Update Quintux!!!!!

The Andrei Arshavin saga seems to have come to a close, at least according to L’Equipe, who are reporting that Arshavin is now an Arsenal player.

Unfortunately, I cannot verify this because YOU PEOPLE ARE FLOODING ARSENAL DOT COM WITH YOUR F-FIVE-ISM.

Also, L’Equipe is reporting that Arshavin is not match fit and won’t be for two weeks, when he is eventually healthy he will be like another new signing.

So, it’s like we signed two players for the price of one! We will totally do the treble now.

0 comments

  2. Slightly OT but the reason the London Underground was (part) closed was that most of the trains are actually stored overground at night, in depots at the end of each line. So the problem was not snow on the lines or in the tunnels, but being able to get the trains underground in the first place.

    Utterly unimportant given our lack of new signings, but I thought I might mention it to lighten the mood 🙁

  6. Atleast your team isnt trying to resign everyone they’ve sold in the past year. I dont know what to think anymore.

    Hows it been going Timmy? I havent made my way on fark in a while.

    COYS!

  7. SevenFingerHalo

    Let’s see… sign no one, ever, or re-sign everyone…

    That IS a hard choice.

    Maybe some of the others can stay away but I would take Flamini back.

  10. Well atleast you get to enjoy trying to pry Arshavin from Zenit’s cold dead hands like Spurs did this past off-season. Good times.

  12. BBC FiveLive have literally just said fee and terms agreed. Sticking point is STILL the repayment of half the previous signing on fee. Shall we have a whip round? FFS.

  13. @Tim: I know, painful isn’t it. Although I think this is how they do business in Russia, according to a friend of a friend who worked at the British Embassy for a while.

  16. This is my first year following the news closely in the winter transfer window and it is painful. I immediately regret getting caught up in all of this and just want this thing to end. I don’t wish this type of anxiety on anyone.

    I don’t know what I want more? Arshavin or this thing to just go away? I guess I’ll take Arshavin just as some type of reward for this constant web refreshing I’m doing. My bosses would not be happy with how much time this has taken away from my work. Oh Well!!

  20. Sky Sports News is saying it is a done deal, as reported by a guy standing in front of Emirates with a runny nose.

    Yeah, well… he had better be farking worth it after all of this.

  26. Ok Tim i did not see your reply there. Geez. Well, at least it’s always warm where I am.

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  36. I never stayed up so late for the transfer window. If this guy gets on board he better be worth it! It’s 4:52AM in my end. I will grab some sleep and hope to wake up he is holding the no. 13 shirt in the front page of dot com.

  37. Yay, it’s funny from the other side of GMT too. When Europe goes to bed we’re sitting down to dinner. Then going back to hitting F5 and nothing. “Hey. Wake up! Day’s not over!”

  41. I won’t believe it until the shaven or un-arshaven “cocksandwich” shows up in uniform at a game.

  43. Still not holding a red kit in dot com. Beeb said he will be revealed Tuesday. Wait is that my Tuesday? I guess not. Oh well F5 then until the key falls off.

  45. Uh, oh.

    http://en.rian.ru/sports/20090203/119958437.html

    Andrei Arshavin’s move to Arsenal may not go ahead due to the deal being completed after the closure of Monday’s transfer window, the English FA’s director of communications said on Tuesday.

    Adrian Bevington told Russia’s sports.ru website that the issue was being discussed and that it could take up to three days for a decision to be reached. He also said that the odds of the 27-year-old Zenit St. Petersburg forward becoming an Arsenal player were “50-50.”

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