Welcome the second half. There will be three “upgrade” breaks before we resume with my syphilis induced fever where I’m watching a clearly superior Arsenal team beat a bunch of hacks but everyone else is watching a hugely superior Wigan team get unlucky to a bunch of wussies. In fact, according to the announcers, Arsenal don’t actually have a back line, Wigan have had 36 shots on goal and Arsenal have been saved only by dint of a corrupt referee who is calling “unfortunate” offsides against Wigan.
Wigan is winning 1-0 since their real goal seems to be injure players by tackling from behind.
47′ – Heskey wins his 18,000th header which leads to… NOTHING. But the announcers make sure you know he’s totally dominating Arsenal at the moment.
50′ – Palacios tackles Denilson from behind and… wins a throw. The laws of physics no longer apply to Wigan.
51′ – HESKEY DOMINATES THE AIR!!!
52′ – a lucky escape for Arsenal as van Persie just misses a goal. If they had scored a second, Wigan would certainly be dominating this game even more than they already are.
58′ – Heskey is totally dominating Arsenal at the moment and van Persie has a great shot on goal to prove it. Plus Arsenal are having to pass the ball around and basically have shots at will, it’s such a dominating performance by Wigan.
60′ – I feel like Wigan should tie a tether to Heskey and fly him around the Emirates like an airship; he’s that good in the air.
64′ – Cattermole fouls van Persie and Figeuroa gets a yellow. The normal laws of football no longer apply.
70′ – Arsenal are lucky again, despite some great defense by Almunia and a handball by Melchiot they manage to scrap out a save.
76′ – It’s true Matt, if you see this game from a Wigan perspective Zaki is totally dominating.
82′ — van Persie booked for a “Wigan” style challenge, in which he wins the ball. I thought that was a throw in to the tackler. This “soccer” thing is hard to understand.
87′ – Great pass by Eboue, right to Zaki. There was someone who commented that “no one on this team is shit” the other day. I present for your examination: Emmanuel Eboue.
90′ – WoW… Wenger pulls Eboue and puts in Silvestre, owch, the crowd cheers. “Panic from the Arsenal” say the announcers. Sorry, I just don’t see it.
92′ – Preview of the weekend op-eds as the announcers take turns going after the fans, the boss, and anyone else for having a go at Eboue. Look, the kid is not very good and the last thing you do is leave him on when he’s making such a hash of the game. He literally didn’t know where he was on the pitch when he nipped the ball off Toure and passed it to the Wigan midfield.
Fin – 1-0 to the Arsenal and the talking heads are calling the Arsenal performance “lucky” and “panicky” and “blah blah.”
Huh… 1-0, Arsenal dominated possession, they kept a clean sheet, they had the clearest shots on goal, and they put the game away at the end despite Eboue’s shakiest game I’ve ever seen him play.
The symbol of the game is when Silvestre put his arm around Eboue as he was coming off — it’s not that I hate Eboue, I feel compassion for him, but he was having a nightmare. Do you leave him on in and lose the match in order to stroke his ego? No. You pull him off and help rebuild him in practice. Jesus, you’d think the announcers never played football.
Ok, The Good, Bad and Ugly tomorrow. I’m going to get in the tub and get ready for Bright Lights Big Costco!