Cesc to coach Sunderland via SMS, or something

First, the awesome news. As my regular reader can tell by the fact that the site took ten minutes to load this morning, I updated the header to the new, improved “Dudu Header.” This is in honor of the imminent return of Eduardo, which I actually read buried in this story about Gallas not playing tomorrow. According to Wenger, Eduardo has been full-contact practicing and just needs a few games before he re-joins the first team. What’s really exciting about this is how ready Wenger is to play him, it must mean that Dudu is scoring bags of goals in practice or something.

Even if he isn’t scoring bags of goals, Eduardo could hardly be worse than Nicklas Bendtner, who, according to my French source, has had his Nike sponsorship canceled after his Carling Cup profiligacy and will no longer be allowed to sport their Pink boots.

Second, I saw the story linking Cesc to Milan yesterday and chose not to report it as soon as I read the actual quote that came out of Cesc’s mouth. It was and is a non-story, if you can’t even get Setanta to bite on it, it must be a fugazi. Irregardless, Cesc issued denial number 7 via the club’s web site, saying:

It is true that I said I admire Milan for their rich history and the way they play football but that is as far as the story goes. I am honoured to be wearing the captain’s armband for Arsenal and I am 100 per cent committed to this Club. My future is here.

Next I expect Cesc’s agent to fly into Manchester and have lunch with some Citeh people so that the press can run “CESC TO JOIN CITEH” headlines.

And why not, Citeh reportedly offered to buy out Iker Casillas’ contract, which has the most retardulous £130m buy out clause, ever.  $250m for a goal keeper? What? Part of me hopes that Citeh come knocking at our door and offer $200m for Fabregas. I know he wouldn’t go but I like to play the “what could Arsenal do with that money?” game. How about pay off the stadium? Buy a bunch of 16 year olds before FIFA crams some new rules down our throats? Sit on the money and say the squad doesn’t need any improvement?

Maybe Citeh will just buy William Gallas. Why not? His best friend’s sister’s cousin’s brother told the Sun that he feels “humiliated” by Arsenal. Let’s start the “Gallas to Citeh” rumours right here and now.

I wonder how much Citeh will offer for William Gallas?

How do I watch Arsenal on TV?

There’s a second story in that link above that has ESPN withdrawing their bid for Bundesliga rights so that they can consolidate and make a huge bid for the EPL rights. Supposedly, ESPN wants the rights to show the games online as well as on their flagship television stations. I love this idea: as an American, it’s my God given right to watch English Football in high def, isn’t it?

B r a k e ? That’s in your car, dummy (not safe for work language)

And finally, Niall Quinn revealed that Roy Keane, the bravest, strongest man to ever mount the pitch, a God among boys, quit Sunderland via text message. After going emo for four days, he finally “manned up” and texted his boss his resignation. I guess you can add craven to the list of adjectives used to describe the great Roy Keane.

Oh, and guess who is coming to town to replace him… Sam Allardyce. I bet the fans in Newcastle support this appointment.

That’s it for today, Wigan preview in the morning and I’ll be liveblogging the match. See you at 7am PST, for the, erm, kickoff.