Arsenal v. Chelsea Saturday Preview

beyonceupgradeu

LEMME LEMME UPGRADE YOU

I’m sitting here watching the Fox Soccer Channel preview show and my advice to the guys running this program is to change the commercials every once in a while. The Beyonce “Lemme Upgrade You” commercial is mind bogglingly annoying the first time you hear it, has the ability to cause existential dread the 10th time you hear it, but if you hear that commercial more than once in an hour it actually has the ability to rip space time and unleash unspeakable horrors upon mankind — according to 3 of 4 professors in a Miskatonic University study.

Oh God, commercial break…

LEMME LEMME UPGRADE YOU!!!

And the beasts that she has unleashed? Adebayor, Nasri, and Sagna are all fit and ready to maul the Chelsea back line. This is great news, but only if the Nasri who played against Man U shows up, if his doppelganger shows up we could get the type of game we saw against Man City.

The other beast that Beyonce had unleashed upon the world is Abou Diaby, hopefully he doesn’t kick John Terry’s head clean off tomorrow.

Proving that Beyonce’s powers warp all of space time, Wenger has shocked the world by saying the same thing that I said back in September; given that Cesc has played over 200 games he can’t really be called “inexperienced.” You can’t just count the number of games but look at the quality of the games as well; cup finals, Champions League campaigns, Euro 2008 champion, etc etc. With all those quality games under his belt, Wenger sees him as a 26 year old instead of “just” 21. Right, which is why I was saying that he’s not really captain material; any player with any leadership quality who has that number of games under his belt should just naturally step up and be captain de facto. Oh well, it’s all moot now isn’t it? He’s captain de jure.

Not everyone can be Flamini, I guess.

Hmmm.. what other horrors has Beyonce unleashed upon mankind? A refeshed Gallas? A renewed Anelka? An Ashley Cole love in? OH GOD NOT THAT

end transmission

5 Comments on Arsenal v. Chelsea Saturday Preview

  1. At least they don’t have the Enzyte and Extenze commercials playing back to back endlessly. And by the way FSC…we get it. You like doing push-ups. Quit that shit already.

  2. Abou Diaby, hopefully he doesn’t kick John Terry’s head clean off tomorrow.
    speaking of diaby:
    from BBC:
    Abou Diaby (abdominal strain) is out, as are Kolo Toure (calf), Theo Walcott (shoulder) and Emmanuel Eboue (knee).
    so someone else hasta kick Terry’s head clear off.
    speaking of clear, Chelsea is 10 points clear.
    speaking of points:Both clubs are off there goal point total from last season
    speaking of season, Chelsea is The only professional team in England not to have conceded a goal in the second-half of a league game this season.
    speaking of conceded, I don’t think i will chat with those conceded farkers during the match.
    good luck tim, may the better club win, my friend!

  3. I’m considering a formal letter of protest to FSC for the blatant Beyonce overkill torture. Not even the most die-hard Beyonce fan could withstand this much dosage of one-fifth of one song. As FSC plays all day in my home/office… it is KILLING me.

Comments are closed.