Gazidis Starts Shopping and I Make a Case for Appiah

turbaconducken
The traditional Turbaconducken -- a bacon wrapped Turkey stuffed with bacon wrapped chicken and bacon wrapped duck.

Happy Thanksgiving, Americans! Hey, do you know what the Brits call Thanksgiving?*

Anyway, while Americans are gorging themselves on what should have been our national bird the rest of the world is hard at work, playing in the UEFA Cup, complaining about their teammates, angling for a move away from Arsenal, you know, a typical day at the office.

Plucked from his Thanksgiving table and flown across the Atlantic to enjoy Square Pie in dreary London, Arsene Wenger gave Ivan Gazidis his stamp of approval during a face-to-face meeting. Unfortunately, we’ll have to wait until January before Gazidis will be officially taking over many of the duties left undone by David Dein’s departure in 2007 and Edelman’s departure earlier this year. This January is such a crucial time for the club and everyone knows it. Quality reinforcements are needed and Gazidis will certainly need to hit the ground running as Wenger targets players and Gazidis is instructed to go get them. His experience handling all MLS player contracts will help in this regard.

In addition to his financial and business acumen, he sounds like the right personality for the job as well: born in South Africa, raised down the street from Highbury, and educated at Oxford Gazidis’ very first quotes speak volumes about how the man sees his place at this venerated old club:

The great thing about Arsenal is that it has been run to sustain itself. It is not dependent on an outside investor to pump money in year after year. That position is inherently a little bit unstable because it depends on one individual. Arsenal has positioned itself not to be dependent on one individual. It’s essential if Arsenal is going to be respected. This is not going to be an American coming with no understanding of Arsenal looking to make it in to a Disneyfied version of Arsenal.

Excellent start Ivan, now go sign us some talent!

Given the on-field struggles so far this season and the very acrimonious self-destruction of Gallas it’s only natural that there are already rumors flying about that Arsenal is looking to move some players. Newcastle is reportedly interested but not hopeful that they can sign Djourou and Song on loan. No, Joe, you f*cking c*nt arse cocksandwich prick, you can’t have Djourou, but maybe you could have Alex for a Song? Seriously, this is a plan with no drawbacks, Arsene and Ivan, let Song go. Then we can all stop pretending that he’s is anywhere near Arsenal quality.

There’s also a rumor that Bendtner might be going to Spartak Moscow for £5m. Seriously, this is a plan with no drawbacks, Arsene and Ivan, let Song Bendtner go. Then we can all stop pretending that he’s is anywhere near Arsenal quality.

While his play might not be Arsenal quality, Bendtner has reached a personal zenith at Arsenal saying

But I don’t think anyone at Arsenal is going to be able to compete with me on that front. I have reached the top of the outstanding boots. The only way they can beat me now is to play in diamond-encrusted boots. And I don’t think that’s going to happen for a few years.

+1 to Bendtner for having a sense of humor. Have fun in Siberia, I’m sure your pink boots will be extra outstanding in the snow.

And finally, William Gallas, the man whom Gael Clichy said “Shattered” the Arsenal team with his dumb comments, is being linked with a move to AC Milan. I suspect that a move of some sort is in the works with Gallas, he’s lost all credibility with his teammates and more importantly with Clichy. I don’t know how a central defender could stay with a club after losing the support of his partners at the back — trust there is absolutely vital and might be a clue as to why Arsenal have struggled in defense this season.

Gazidis and Arsene have their work cut out for them but I trust that they can take care of the on-field problems with just a few key signings.

Stephen Appiah

Why not? I’ve been beating this drum now since T-Town Alex convinced me to take another look at the player but I’ve been beating it from a talent perspective only. What about the financial implications? I know that Wenger supposedly has a sort of salary cap in place — that they basically have a pay scale at Arsenal with William Gallas at the top, Cesc not far behind and every other player on the team earning slightly less than the top two. Egalitarian, Wenger called it.

That said, it was this egalitarianism that prevented Arsenal from keeping Flamini. Flamini argued that since he was a free agent, and since he pays 43% in income tax to play in England, and since it would cost £10-20m to replace him, Arsenal should just pay him the transfer fee spread out over the remainder of his contract. At the time, I agreed with Flamini. It just makes sense. Damn the salary cap Wenger, say that you’re paying him a transfer bonus or whatever but keep this guy at the club.

And now, the rumor is that Stephen Appiah is making similar demands; asking for an outrageous salary due to the fact that he’s a free agent, he’s good, and whatever club signs him won’t have to pay a transfer fee. It’s a logical argument, really. Why shouldn’t Appiah make £4m+ per year? At 27 he’s pretty much at the top of his game and while there might be some fitness questions you have to think that a club could recoup whatever salary Appiah asked for in the transfer market. Think about it: you pick up Appiah, pay his outrageous salary and play him. If he’s good enough, you keep him on, if not you sell him. You sell him! You make money off his transfer. Even if it’s a £2m transfer, you still made £2m in profit. Subtract that from his retarded salary and it seems like a good deal to me.

Of course, all this hinges on Appiah playing well and not asking for a truly outrageous salary. If he played really poorly you might be saddled with a huge salary and an under-performing player and no one who wants him. And if he asked for some kind of truly insane salary (like £8m a year) you’ll never be able to unload him, because there’s only a few clubs in the world who can pay that.

So, that’s my case. There are a lot of known unknowns but I think Appiah could turn out to be a good on-field deal and a good bit of business to boot.

Arsenal had to have thought of this, right?

Ok, I’m going to have some breakfast, lay about, then pip into Doyle’s to watch a predictable and injured Tottenham lose to some other team in a competition I couldn’t care less about. It’s my birthright as an American.

*Thursday.

4 Comments on Gazidis Starts Shopping and I Make a Case for Appiah

  1. That’s a truly frightening looking bird. Looks like those things from Aliens. Do people really eat that, or just burn it to drive off the evil spirits?

    The problem with siging Appiah for a ridiculous amount is that a (say) 4 year contract beinds us into paying him ridiculous amounts for 4 years. Even if he’s crap, and even if he’s injured for 3/4 of the time. And if it doesn’t work out, it’ll be difficult to get another club to pay him the equilvalent wages, so we’d have to chip into his salary at the other club as well.

    And have you seen the pink boots ad featuring Franck Ribery? I think Wenger dodged a bullet when FC Bayern picked him up. There’s no way I’d be able to watch that guy play for the Arsenal. Ribery is truly, truly ugly. Even more so than that bird you’re probablz tucking into at the moment.

    Happy Thanksgiving.

  2. That’s a truly frightening looking bird. Looks like those things from Aliens. Do people really eat that, or just burn it to drive off the evil spirits?

    The problem with siging Appiah for a ridiculous amount is that a (say) 4 year contract beinds us into paying him ridiculous amounts for 4 years. Even if he’s crap, and even if he’s injured for 3/4 of the time. And if it doesn’t work out, it’ll be difficult to get another club to pay him the equilvalent wages, so we’d have to chip into his salary at the other club as well.

    And have you seen the pink boots ad featuring Franck Ribery? I think Wenger dodged a bullet when FC Bayern picked him up. There’s no way I’d be able to watch that guy play for the Arsenal. Ribery is truly, truly ugly. Even more so than that bird you’re probablz tucking into at the moment.

    Happy Thanksgiving.

  3. Hey Connolly,

    Sounds like you are “enjoying” Croatia.

    No, real humans don’t eat that Tubaconducken. In America it’s popular to love bacon, bacon on anything, “bacon is a spice!” And in the American south there is a traditional thing called a Turducken — which is a whole turkey stuffed with a boneless duck stuffed with a boneless hen.

    Combine both trends and you get that thing.

    I love the Ribery commercial. He plays up the fact that he’s not a pretty man, all the way down to the shine on his malformed teeth.

    I wouldn’t mind him playing for Arsenal, when I see his face I know that he was in an accident when he was a kid and just put it aside and watch his football. He’s a good player, but Arsenal have Nasri who is almost as good and almost as ugly! We got a mini Ribery!

  4. Guys – ugliness aside – Ribery plays at the level of taking over matches. He was player of the year voted by all 3 of players, coaches, and media last year in Germany. Nasri is not yet at the level of taking over a match for Arsenal. Trust me Connolly, you’d love him on our squad – except that we are already overloaded with creative midfilder types.

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