9:00am Taylor Twellman’s Kick medic it’s “TAYLOR MADE” HAR HAR. I can’s wait to see what these two geniuses have to say about the Arsenal match. Let me guess: “Arsenal don’t like physical play?”
9:05am Did you know that the number one search term that people use to find my blog is “Arshavin?” WTF? Oh well, Arshavin Arshavin Arshavin Arshavin Arshavin – he’s overpriced and talentless, he should play for Spuds! Arshavin Arshavin Arshavin Arshavin Arshavin !
9:10am gross, I’m watching the “highlights” and Christiano Ronaldo gets a penalty — I’m sorry but that was probably the only good tackle that Bolton put in the whole match. Too bad they’re going to get relegated.
9:20am “blah blah blah tackle blah blah blah Arsenal don’t like to get kicked blah blah blah.”
9:25am the lineups are announced and Fox Soccer channel is putting Eboue as the central midfielder — eye roll.
9:27am That guy’s name is “Warren Barton” and he was born in Islington but he played for Kelvin Koogan at Newcastile. Yay.
9:30 — that’s better, Eboue on the wing, DUH. God, Fox Soccer Channel sucks. They should hire me, at least I know where everyone plays on the pitch.
9:35 — kickoff, wheee, hey look Phil Brown has the same stupid headset that his evil mentor Sam Allardyce wore. And of course the announcer is already mentioning that Arsenal haven’t been scored on at the Emirates — that’s what we Americans call a jinx.
9:40 — hey look, three obvious fouls and no whistle. Ok, so that’s how this game is going to be called. As long as it’s going to be called the same way on both sides.
9:42 — great pursuit by Denilson to save some blushes. COME ON YOU REDS!!!
9:44 — Jeebus, Denilson is everywhere.
9:47 — Jeebus Denilson earns a free kick on the edge of the box and Robin’s free kick is easily claimed by the keeper. Wasted chance.
9:48 — good call Matt — he looks tired or something and missed a wide open opportunity just now.
9:52 — bodies are flying all over the place and the ref has finally seen enough — stopping play when we have a clear advantage. Are you Tottenham in disguise?
9:56 — ok, so Hull can tackle rough but Arsenal can’t tackle at all, it’s going to be one of those games, got to play through it, ignore the ref.
10:02 — a real live injury to Eboue with blood and everything.
10:08 — that’s it, move the ball, make them run, Hull can’t keep up this pace all game.
10:13 — yawn… two consecutive offsides and Hull is sucking the life out of this game — exactly what they want to do.
10:20 — lots of chances in this first half but I’m going to give credit to Hull, they have executed their game plan to perfection. They are closing space, roughing players, they’re well organized in defense and Arsenal is clearly frustrated. Let’s see how the Boss responds in the second half.
10:40 — oh good it’s back on. I’ve brushed my teeth and changed into my Fabregas jersey, clearly Denis Bergkamp wasn’t working.
10:43 — Theo with a mazy run and he pulls the ball back for Cesc who puts the ball in. The Jersey clearly worked.
10:45 — ONE NIL TO THE ARSENAL ONE NIL.. Come on boys get another! Christ, Eboue and Ade should have scored 4 goals on that last possession. PROFLIGATE!
10:50 — Jeebus, Theo has the speed of a thousand.. speeders, play every ball to Theo from now on, he can only get better. DANG! another missed opportunity, stop trying to set others up Ade you’re a striker, strikers SHOOT.
10:55 — fucking hell… no one closes down on Giovanni and he picks out the side netting on a great goal. There goes the Arsenal “clean sheet at home” that the announcer jinxed us on earlier. I was just about to comment that Arsenal looked like they had taken their foot off the gas for a bit.
11:00 — I had a bad feeling about that corner. 2-1 to Hull…
11:02 — off comes Eboue and on comes Bendtner. All hands to the pump. Eboue was probably most directly responsible for the extra passes and the first goal.
11:05 — what is this the 100th Arsenal corner??? How about a goal?
11:08 — Vela’s getting ready to come on and Arsenal’s going to switch to a 4-1-5.
11:11 — the 101st Arsenal corner, Hull look really jaded, Arsenal need to put this fucker away now. But instead, Marlon King latches on to a ball and has a good shot
11:15 — van Persie on the end of a beautiful Fabregas move and puts his left footed shot just wide. This is really frustrating.
11:17 — Arsenal waste their 108th corner — how does Gallas miss?
11:20 — 4 minutes, I want to believe.
11:24 — 4 minutes of added time too, I take back everything I said about your mother.
11:25 — YOU’VE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME.
11:28 — Incredible result, nothing to complain about as far as Hull’s tactics, they won doing what they wanted to do and no matter how much they tried Arsenal just couldn’t put the ball in the net. More about all this tomorrow, I have stuff to do around the house now. Fuck.