Rumor and innuendo prove Arsenal are collapsing

The wheels are surely coming off Arsenal now.  I know because I read it in the Mail; they heard that someone told them that Newcastle have bid £4m for Senderos, which is clear evidence that the rumors they heard that Arsenal are in financial trouble are true which is a rumor that was sparked by the “sacking” of Keith Edelman.  Yes, that’s what they actually reported this morning. But fret not Arsechums, David Dein and Alisher Usmanov can save the club because Dein is a close friend of Arsene Wenger and would handle all of these transfers and Usmanov is so rich that he could actually just purchase a trophy off the shelf.

Meanwhile, Cesc Fabregas is leaving for Real Madrid unless Arsenal win a trophy this season.  Me too; if Arsenal don’t win a trophy I’m changing the name of the blog to “7am jugador” and cashing in all my Arsenal stuff for Real Madrid gear.  Sure, the quotes attributed to Cesc were completely and categorically denied this morning by Cesc but that doesn’t mean they aren’t true!

Sticking with the Mail Online as my main news source I see that Sir Alex Ferguson is prepared to bid for the services of Thierry Henry.  Forget for a moment that Henry has ruled out playing for another Premiership team, that he’s past his prime, and that he has stated that he’s staying in Barcelona, the logic employed by the Mail is impeccable: this story is true because Fergie is known to take chances — like when he took Cantona from Leeds. Air tight logic there.

Of course all of this transfer talk is moot, the Mail also reports, Arsenal have their replacement ready and waiting in the wings: Denilson.  I know this might seem to contradict their earlier article that Arsenal are collapsing but in the Mail newsroom two wildly disparate stories can coexist.  It’s like magic.

Joey Barton Watch

Poor Joey Barton, the Premier League’s most unlucky player, was released from prison today having served 75 days of a six month sentence.  You’ll remember that he was sent to prison, unfairly, for having a man’s face hit his hands in a McDonald’s parking lot after someone had forced him to drink too much.  King Kevin Keegan reacted swiftly to the news that Joey was finally released by saying “I look forward to giving Joey a second, second, second, second chance.  There’s no doubt the lad deserves it.”

And finally…

Malaria?  HA!  That can’t hold Kolo back.  Kolo Toure flexed his biceps and simply squeezed the Malaria parasite out of his body.  Here are some pictures of him in training with the team.  I’m pretty sure that Senderos couldn’t beat Malaria, hell he couldn’t beat octogenarian Sami Hyypia last year, so maybe the rumors of him leaving for BartonKeeganCastle are true.

Man, it’s good to be back!

2 Comments on Rumor and innuendo prove Arsenal are collapsing

  1. I did see that, Gallas is saying all the right things right now “I learned from my mistakes, etc” but I’m not sure if that will save him from the fire.

    On the other hand, Gallas is such a petulant baby that stripping him of the captain’s armband would probably send him into a fit of all fits.

    So, I see the boss naming Cesc as co-captain, it’s the only way to strip Gallas and save face at the same time. I know a lot of other people are asking for the armband (Clichy mentioned it today??) but I bet it goes to Cesc because he’s vastly experienced (which is strange to say at the tender age of 21), he’s the most important player on the team, a leadership role will be perfect for him to grow into, and he’s the only other player on the team that Gallas respects enough to give up half the armband to.

    Rosicky is out until September. If I was Arsenal, I’d buy a right wing (*ahem* BARRY) because I’m putting the odds of ever seeing Rosicky in an Arsenal kit at 1/987,000,000

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